Tender Gender Blender

I just finished reading this fanfic which on the whole is very good and touched on a lot of interesting things, but I think it suffers to much from only seeing gender as binary. I have touched on before how I dislike society's idea of binary gender, that time focusing on sexual attraction. I even mentioned the anime of which this fanfic is based as a key point in my developing sexual feelings, and that remains true with sexual identity as well. The problem as I see it, exactly like my discussion of sexual attraction, is the more people try to insist male and female gender roles are different the more they will be different. The more people insist that there is a inner "male" or "female" self, the more people are trapped by this idea. The more people insist they are born into roles they can't change the less they will ever be able to. People are driven I think more by memes then they realize, more by ideas about who they should be inside. They build up ideal personae and feel uncomfortable when they don't match it. And let me make this clear, in regards to this story, I think it would have ended up the same way if it was discussed this way. But there is so much grief and angst caused by this binary idea of male and female, of what the character "should" do, and no one, not one single person ever seemed to bring up the possibility of remaining both male and female, that you didn't have to choose like that. I don't think it would have changed the outcome that much, but I think it would have led to a deeper, less forced, and less fearful way of looking at the problem. I was even talking with someone not to long ago that seemed to be struggling with a transsexual identity crisis, and even I had a small struggle with one at one point. The thing is though, there are so many things, like make up and high heals, that I wouldn't put up with, even if I think it would be nice to have a female body sometimes. There are so many things, like sports crap and being macho, I refuse to put up with even when I have a male body. I roleplay as female or hermaphrodite characters a lot, and I am curious about it, but I really feel like my "true self" is something that gender just doesn't apply to. I still would like to be female some time, not because I hate being male so much as because I would simply like the freedom to choose and try it. The way technology is, that is just not practical, and so I stay male. I am not a fan of my body truth be told, nor of my gender, but I just don't see it as that important. My life doesn't revolve around it. I know it's just not that easy for some people, but I am not saying people should not live in the body they feel is right for them, I am just saying there is a lot more to it then "really being" "male" or "female". It shouldn't be something you have to force yourself into becoming another person for, and if you want to be another person that desperately, there might be something more then just your sexual identity behind it. I guess the real issue I see is that it's such a muddled and abused subject, caught up with so many preconceptions and confused messages. If people could just change their sex whenever they wanted, I don't think it would be anywhere near of an issue, and people would just be able to try it out and pick one, or not pick one. And maybe someday, but now this whole drudge of issues comes in to play, and for what? If you have a penis or vagina? If you want to put on dresses and pretty yourself up, do you need to be a girl? If you want to lay in pants and t-shirts and watch the game do you need to be a guy? Do what you want and live how you want to live, do that first and then worry about your naughty bits or how you present yourself to people.

Chaos Cosmology

For the past few days I have been reading Thousand_Shinji and it's sidestory/sequel. In many ways it resembles Shinji and Warhammer40k that I read a while ago, but with generally less focus on interesting metaphysical stuff and including more stuff from Warhammer 40k of which the fanfic I read before, despite having it in the name, really doesn't have much to do with besides a few reffrences and ideas.

Thousand Shinji is also a lot darker and violent then Shinji and Warhammer40k in a lot of ways, and while Shinji and Warhammer40k has it's main character more or less care deeply for humanity and strive to be good while occasionally doing monstrous things but refusing to become some sort of god or use his friends as tools, Thousand Shinji's main character is more or less the opposite, being a sociopath who makes it a point to look at people as tools and scum who slowly begins to actually care about his friends and embraces godhood when given the chance.

And while Thousand Shinji is interesting, it's really it's sequel (which is almost more a side story) where the main characters are gods which are beginning to mass their forces and exploring across multible alternate universes based on different TV shows, anime, and other media that I want to comment on mostly, though my comments have to do with the first too.

Really I have three main complaints. The first is that especially in the sequel, and in Shinji and Warhammer40k, or even Warhammer40k in general, there is the kind of silly build up of powers. A kind of thing where all the multiverse is out to get you with these incredibly strong god-like beings who are fought using equally strong god like beings, and armies spanning galaxies, and so on. There is a need to justify brutal war machines and terrible weapons of unimagined power because it's "necessary". With the whole multiverse thing it gets even worse as there are untold many of other universes with beings that can swat even the most powerful of their forces if annoyed.

The second is related to the first in that the sequel tries to, as many stories involving this sort of thing do, make some sort of grand organization or map to every reality. The problem with both is, at least for me, how utterly small and silly it all is. If each work of fiction was included, the size of the whole structure would be so massive that any possible army or being in any one universe is utterly unable to actually do much of anything by force. But more importantly, when you start to develop a cosmology and creation story you run up to all sorts of contradictions and retcons and different ways to do the same thing in other works of fiction. You can't just make up some cosmology when dealing with things because that cosmology just becomes one of many floating around in the literary pool of such things.

And the thing that they never even hint at, and I surely wish stories like this would more often, is that on the whole no matter how utterly powerful a entity or group is, it doesn't matter. Because they are still operating on the incorrect assumption that power matters. I could just point out "their fictional", but that's only half what I am getting at. In a multiverse where each universe has subtlety different rules, gods, powers, energies, whatever, isn't the most powerful being the one who figures out the metaphysical truth that ties them together the most powerful one? Or better yet creates that truth. But do any but a scarce handful of dimension hopping crossover stories actually bother to bring this up? No.

Which is the frustrating bit because all the pieces are there in the story. And maybe they were working to it as some grand final plot twist, but I doubt it and I won't know because there is not and will never be a ending. Some one wrote a alternate version of the sequel seemingly because they weren't happy with the way the "heros" are always found more or less right even if they are monsters, but I never read it so I don't know if that's part of it.

But that's how I would end it, as the new gods of chaos seeing how silly their war is, because all they really need to do is this: Make a new universe. It's easy to do. Just write a new story. The story they want to write. A Universe without evil beings from the darkest depths, not without struggle, or without pain, but without gods or demons or horrors. One that was not part of a multiverse created with these things.

Which brings me to my last complaint. The heroes call themselves Chaos Gods, as do the Warhammer40k gods. And I am sick of chaos being a crazy violent force. One that if not wholly evil, is at least not good or nice. I almost want to write my own self-insert fic with Killo just so he can scold him over that (and the silliness above). I mean, actually I mostly think of Killo in a lot of the same ways, as a mostly a moral almost god-like being who is smarter and more "noble" then he lets on. The difference is Killo is very slow to anger and doesn't particularly enjoy violence, and really doesn't see the point of it. Killo would not make some sort of empire or pass himself off as a god, because he looks down on empires and gods, not because they are inherently tyrannical, but because they are part of a stupid, useless, game. One that's not even very fun. Killo is ultimately only interested in himself, but he knows other people can make him happy, or at least entertain him. And even with the point that order is ultimately part of chaos, which was made often in the story, Killo would point out order can be preserved just as much in individuality as it can in a collective. I guess in short, Killo's Chaos is more like the brush strokes of an artist, the growth of a tangling vine, a fractal iteration function, and most potently, the human soul. Something that seeks to create, to grow, and will only destroy if something gets in it's way. It's life. It's existence. Crazy violent maniacs who shout and holler for the sake of shouting and hollering or gods who raise massive armies and fight tooth and nail for some silly ideal, both are just expressions of it not the end result. You can't make people follow chaos because they already are following chaos. You think they are wrong for doing things a particular way, so be it. But don't you use chaos as a justification for a moral philosophy and even less for a empire. If you understood chaos you would know how ridiculously stupid that is.

Sorry I guess that last bit started into a speech.

Isn't it NEET?

Since I was dangerously behind on my Anime quota, I desided to watch Welcome to the N.H.K., a short show about a Hikikomori/NEET (two phrases that may very well describe me as well) and the girl who loves him desperately clings on to him because he is the one person she knows more pathetic then she is. Though many misadventures, the somewhat screwed up cast goes though a few psychotic episodes, has a few amusing happenstances, and finally manages to fix most of there problems and ends up in a somewhat happy ending though the power of friendship. You know, standard anime stuff. Well almost.

I kind of have a problem with some of the subtext though. Like a lot of anime, there seems to be an underlining subtext of conformity and social unity. Largely this is probably related to the Japanese culture that spawned anime. It is interesting to compare Japanese values and ideals with American ones on this point. Japanese values typically involve more looking out for the collective, and American values typically involve looking out for the individual. This of course, a gross oversimplification, but it's a general starting point.

For the Japanese for example, shaming people is a big deal. People don't typically worry about failing for the sake of their own failure as much as shaming their family, friends, or coworkers, or even people they don't know, and this is seen as normal and expected. For Americans the very idea is almost laughable. It still exists of course, but for the most part Americans are more concern with their OWN status rather then the status of others. In other words, Americans, if their mom catches them in a dirty act is more concerned about what she thinks of them, while the Japanese may well be concerned about what people would think of her. This is of course only a rough expression of something that bound to be more complex in reality, and I have not studied Japanese culture above watching some anime here and there and often looking up things that they reference. Anyway what I am getting at is that the way people act in anime can often not mesh with our ideas on how people should behave and this DOES apply in some ways to people in real life too.

So getting back to subtext then. For me, there are a few problematic elements over and over in anime:

1. "Power of Friendship" - In some ways, I can understand this. The connections between people IS a powerful and important motivator and source of people's desire to accomplish things. The problem is, it can go so far as having people without friends as either worthless or downright evil. Friendship and love DOES motivate people, but it's not the ONLY thing that does, and it's no guarantee that it will make you GOOD. Though Jiggles would disagree.

2. "It can't be helped" - This phrase is uttered again and again (almost surely ironically at least a quarter of the time) in almost every anime whenever a character gives in to some request. No matter how outrageous the request or how untrustworthy the requester, the character will utter this an begrudgingly go along with whatever is requested. Now half the time this is exactly the point of course, to have a character be an extreme doormat for everyone who has any request. The problem is, almost every anime usually has a main character like this and some animes have EVERY character like this in some degree.

3. Loose lips sink people - Although to be sure this also happens in America, the persistent staple of anime of a character overhearing gossip about themselves and being absolutely TORN APART AS IF THEY WERE RIPPED OPEN AND LEFT FOR DEAD. Look, people say dumb things. We all know that. But what makes it worse is the apparent Japanese idea that people have NO worth EXCEPT though their peers. At least America ATTEMPTS to make people reject that notion. In anime the solution is that at least ONE other person needs you.

Now I don't know about you, but I see a very sinister subtext scattered though all this: That people are only worth anything if they are part of the group. There are many other examples, and quite a few that work just as well with American culture, so it isn't just a problem with Japan. Though America tends to try and glorify the individual more, but that just leads to laziness, apathy, and lack of work ethic overall, and I don't think I need to explain examples for that (hint: one is writing this blog).

What makes this worse, and what many people blame for it, is the out of control consumerism. In Japan anime, games, music, manga, and other such things seem to consume large chunks of people's lives, and of course, this in-group dynamic is profitable for this. Everyone buys the same stuff watches the same things, ect. This is why anime and Japanese games is so filled with stuff like Pokemon, which practically makes buying things into the whole MESSAGE. Of course we can't blame only Japan for that, after all, the USA practically gave them the idea. This also seems to extend to the work force as well. It's a common stereotype, seemingly enforced in Japan, that the Japanese workforce is like a brutal devourer of souls, where salaryman are often worked half to death in insanely long workdays for barely enough pay for their families. Also the school system doesn't seem much better. Once again, this is not so much different then in America, but the difference is, I don't think Americans put up with it quite as much.

It's this sort of condition that, I think, is the primary catalyst for the emergence of Hikikomori and NEETs. And here I think it's where my biggest gripe with Welcome to the N.H.K. comes in. It seems to imply these people are simply disconnected from the world. To me it seems almost like the opposite. Here in America, for better or for worse, if you were to try that sort of lifestyle, you would have a few big problems. In Japan, it seems, parents are more willing to pay an allowance and/or let their children stay at home until nearly middle age or older. In America, while it does happen, it's usually not without making the child get some kind of income. The only reason I am able to pay for an apartment is mostly because I get disability benefits, and somewhat because I am in a government housing program. And do I get to sit around doing nothing all day? Well mostly, but I am visited daily by a sort of social worker, and made to clean up after myself for the most part. And I am encouraged by nearly everyone to get a job anyway. Japan seems to have solved this problem in the past with "Problem? What problem?" and suddenly recently decided to say "Ohhhh that problem! I hadn't noticed! Er... Maybe it's that they aren't feed right?"

So what do I propose? Make people WANT to work by fixing the workforce and the education system, and that goes for EVERYBODY. The problem now is, not enough people are seeing how it is worth it. As for me though, I am happy being a lazy bum. Long Live the N.H.K.!

Lord Shinji Upon His Terrible Throne

So I have spent the last few days basically just reading though this fanfic. It's basically what happens when you take the most whiny and pathetic character in anime, and suddenly make him a complete badass who is well on his way to becoming a living god. Much to his own dismay. How? By having him find a suitcase containing miniatures and books for a particular role-playing game. Which gives him drive, gives him a way to connect with his care givers, and indirectly teaches him skills he needs to make his life better. Oh and he gets four imaginary friends that seem to slowly become something more like split personalities, but hey, it's worth a few psychological side effects right?

Personally, I like it mostly because it provides interesting commentary on a few things. At first, it mostly notes how fiction can change people for the better, by causing a new flow of ideas and symbols that people can build on. This theme never really goes away, but after a while mostly concerns leaders who use symbols to inspire, and religious conviction and faith. All of which is both a good AND a bad thing. In the context of the story, the main character uses these symbols to lead a war on alien monsters that want nothing more then to destroy all humanity, but as battles get bloodier and bloodier and the weapons used get more and more horrible, he has to constantly wonder if there is a better way.

I never really watched all of the show or played the game or read it's spin off books, but I know somewhat about them, and I think this fanfic does a better job of explaining the technology and physics involved then at least the anime. In the anime, there is a field called an AT-field that is uses as one of the main science-fiction element. While the what I read about the anime explains this somewhat vaguely as "the barrier between souls", the fanfic explains it more using quantum mechanics and sounds similar to my ghost and soul theory. The original anime also has a lot of symbolism and such, but the fanfic seems to use it differently. Also the fanfic was said to have a more detailed and interesting explanation of the economics and social changes in the world then the fanfic. Apparently some think it's better then the anime it's based on.

Of course, it's not perfect. I often see odd spellings or typos (although I am not one to talk) and some things seem writen as such that your expected to already know all about the show (which to be fair, most people might). It also seems to have a habit of having a event be described semi-indirectly for a few paragraphs before revealing the context on the last line of the section for dramatic effect, which I have grown to dislike. It also seemed to pad on in parts with characters and events that were not really as important to the story, but eh. Despite all this, I quite liked it, although it isn't really finished.