Internet Art is Deviant

The other day I uploaded a new picture to my deviantart account which is in of it's self is a rare enough occurrence and has a long enough of a rambling nonsensical description that it might be worth a blog post of it's own (you might be interested in the picture or description if your interested in my silly romhack). In fact I am not sure how many people even know or remember I have a deviantart account. It's certainly not something I pay a lot of attention too. In fact, I mostly only got it to be able to view mature images and decided to upload a few of the old things I had laying around there.

Part of the reason for my lack of attention is because I have long ago given up on ever being an artist, since the only art I seem to be capable of making is either simple pixel art or stuff about on par with the pictographs I use on this blog (minus the ones that are blatantly traced). Most of the work I have in my deviantart account is either collage work or pixel art (and the new picture I put up counts as both), and none of it is very engaging I think. But another big part is because I am very apathetic about sites like deviantart in general and the type of art usually hosted on them.

Now I make no secret of the fact that I like porn, mainly hentai, cartoon, and furry smut, all of which is drawn art rather then actual live action porn. But Outside of x-rated art though I find I very rarely take a interest in much art online. But there is another side to it too. I quite like art used in comics, videos, games, and such, x-rated or not (but it's still better as smut, of course). Really it's only static images that usually fail to hold my interests without smut.

I think the thing is, when a artist draws fanart, or even original art, of random characters who sit there and look pretty, it seems to lack any real context or point. It just becomes a image. It doesn't move me, it doesn't inspire me, it's just there. There are exceptions to this of course, especially for interesting landscapes or interesting character design, but mostly it seems to run a little flat. Smut of course gives me a reason to care for more then the image it's self, but it has to be real hardcore stuff. Simply having a pretty girl doesn't do much for me, and sexy pinup poses rarely work either. Sometimes nudity isn't even enough. I guess I have just been exposed to so much really smutty stuff that it takes more to really wind me up.

Having a story or a game to go along with the art does the same for the mind as smut does for the body. It gives me a reason to really care more then just pretty pictures. And it works in reverse too, in that the art that goes along with the story or game gives the story or game more style and helps craft the world with the art. In fact, music acts much the same way in this regard. I am not quite as interested in music when it's just music, but when the music is put in to enhance a story or a game, it becomes a lot more powerful (but music and sex results in too much bad techno). But I suppose a lot of the time, at least with art, there is usually a story there I don't know about. A lot of original characters made by online artists seem to have roots in roleplaying chats or in progress works of fiction (in fact so does Jiggles, on both counts), and a lot of fan works seem to focus on exploring different aspects or ideas not seen in the original work (homestuck fan works tend to do a great job at that sometimes).

But as I said, I am not an artist, I do not know the mediums and techniques, and I tend not to pay that much attention to style or ability aside from a vague sense of aesthetics and some basic skill. I probably just don't appreciate all of the details that people tend to obsess over in art. I like well done art better then sloppy and badly proportioned art, but I can't say that's something I look for so much as something I notice when done wrong.

Social Noise Reduction

There is a particularly common criticism of today's society I hear a lot. I am not sure what the term for it is, but I think it is a core part of the larger ideas of Postmodernism and Cyberpunk. The criticism is that nowadays, thanks mostly to the internet and mass media, people are bombarded with so many opinions, alleged facts, works of fiction, ideas, and memes, that people have become either terminally unable to separate the "signal" from the "noise" in the information we process, and/or are incressingly distracted by the trivial.

And yeah, I can see that. But before we go around claiming Ludd was right and throwing out all our communication technology, maybe we should consider that maybe PEOPLE are the problem, not the information. First of all, I think the problem with people being unable to tell the difference between fact and fiction is simply that most people don't have the critical thinking skills needed to parse information in an optimal way. What's more, most people don't have a broad enough perspective to realize that sometimes it doesn't even matter. People are often more interested in picking a side and being right then anything else. Sometimes, especially with controversial or heavily contested subjects, you just have to admit that some things may or may not be true. This doesn't mean you can't draw conclusions, you just need to think about logic in a different way.

As for people being distracted by the trivial, I actually take it as a sign that what a lot of people say is important, isn't really that important to a lot of people. That doesn't mean it isn't important in the grand scheme of things, but people so rarely look or care about the the grand scheme of things. I think, for example, kids getting distracted from school by video games is not a problem with the games. It's a problem with the school or maybe the parents. People shutting themselves in and playing MMORPGs all day is not a problem with the MMORPG. It's a problem with our society. As for the people who get distracted themselves, it's hard for me to make an argument that they are at fault if they honestly don't care. I mean, yeah, they are doing it to themselves but that is a choice. They pay the consequences for that choice. Though I may be bias because that is more or less what I am doing, allowing myself to get distracted fully understanding that there is a price to pay. Some times it's worth it, sometimes it's not.

I feel personally, like I have spent the last ten or so years of my life mostly just gathering information and working it out in my head. Trying to build a sort of cathedral of images and thoughts in a manner similar to how Carl Jung worked out his issues by writing his Red Book. I have been interested in that sort of thing for a while, probably ever since I was a kid and saw parts of The Wall, and perhaps even before that with my childhood games of imagination.

But, Carl Jung stressed the need to write these things down, so that they become contained and objectified, and I have done very little in the way of actual writing and art. I have a powerful urge to do so, which is part of what my hack was intended to do actually. To give my ideas and outlet and to make them more 'real' so to speak. I suppose in the back of my mind, there is a third criticism of today's society that saps me of the motivation to do much work on it. And that criticism is that there is so much of that kind of stuff out there. Stuff that both intentionally and unintentionally explores these themes I want to explore. And while they might not do it in the same way, they cover a lot of the same ground.

Lately I have been reading a lot of random webcomics and watching videos of a lot of random games. And it gets to the point where there are just so many works of fiction with so many themes and ideas, that even if a few of them still make me take notice of something or reevaluate my ideas slightly, I don't really think there is much room for me. Which is a stupid way of looking at it really. I talk all the time about being the butterfly that starts the storm, of how I would be happy if my ideas were remembered even if I were not. After all, I am sitting here writing this in a blog that I am not sure anyone actually takes the time to read. And maybe this blog is like my red book. Maybe blogging in general will help people deal with there problems just knowing, even if it is never read, that it is out there somewhere for people to randomly find.

I can always hope, and I guess hope is enough to live on.

Phantoms of Substance

The other they I picked up a copy of Phantom Brave for the PSP. I owned the original PS2 version (well not the original PS2 version, the English version, but you know what I mean) but I never quite got along to finishing it. Largely because actually focusing on playing though the story mode and not getting sidetracked on making uberweapons which completely break the story mode battles and make them no longer able to pose any kind of threat takes massive focus. But I beat it this time, though shear willpower to get though it, and then played the new alternate story mode, and am now working on the original story mode again, and will probably play the alternate one again too cause I missed some stuff. Why you can't just skip to the part of the story you care about after you beat the game, or have enemies match your level to make story mode not so frightfully dull, I don't know. Nippon Ichi has never been fans of convenience when it comes to replaying stuff. At least you can skip most of the cutscenes.

But I still find myself in the same old trap of doing the same thing over and over for some menial virtual reward I really shouldn't care about. Last time I ranted about a Nippon Ichi game, I touched on some of the problems with them. But really most of the problems are shared by RPGs in general, what with the blatant grinding that makes about 90% of the game filler. I really think that games should be set up so you can basically always find something new without spending time mucking about, but on the other hand I dislike linear games that hold your hand and don't let you loose to really get a feel for things, or have no progression at all. Or maybe that's not really it either.

I suppose what it comes down too is I think a lot of games don't feel like they have any really depth or substance to them. But lately I have been thinking more about what I think "depth" and "substance" really means. I have been watching a minecraft video series by two guys who play together. The series starts off with a simple demonstration of some of the basic minecraft mechanics and survival, but after a while other players start getting involved and end up building a world and a integrate backstory for the two guys to play around with. They also play a lot of "adventure maps" made by people who come up with challenges, rules, and backstorys in a map for players. Not to long ago I was chatting with someone about Tower Defense games and why I didn't like them, even if they had upgrades and stratagy and things. I realized what it basically comes down to, why I find those minecraft videos so fascinating and Tower Defense games so utterly boring, is basically the act of exploration.

Exploration is at the heart of almost every game I like. It's one reason I like roguelikes so much, one reason I think why people swear that Super Metroid is one of the best games ever made, and the reason why, quite frankly, beat-em-ups, shooting games, Tower Defense games, Nippon Ichi games, and other arcade and stratagy games tend to annoy me. And it isn't just about exploring a environment either, it's about exploring gameplay as well (in fact I dare say I enjoy roguelikes like Nethack, and too a lesser extent, RPGs like the SaGa series for more for this reason then exploring the environment).

It works for stories too. I think this is one reason I like things like Homestuck and certain fanfics (which reminds me I was reading a interesting one not to long ago) is the exploring they do of places and ideas. And one reason I hate soup opera-ish crap (which BTW I think Phantom Brave's plot is dangerously close to with the whole "POSSESSED" melodrama thing), because they just give a series of unresolved hooks to draw tension and never really try and deeply explore any sort of underlining meaning or the character's inner selves.

So I guess when I am saying "depth" and "substance" I really mean a sort of exploration of something. It doesn't necessarily have to be something new it just has to be something you can really dig deep into and uncover stuff. It seems a lot of RPGs and other games think of a game's goal as something you work to, spending time and effort to get to the end, or to get some rare thing. I think it should be more something you explore. Not necessarily in terms of a secret that needs to be discovered, but in terms of a thing that is out there and can be transversed. It can be a subtle difference between the two to be honest, but there is a difference. Grinding is not exploring.

A game should not require you, and maybe should not even let you run in place for hours to get ahead. What if enemies didn't respawn for example, or most of your experience was related to progress and conversation not repeatable tasks (Planescape: Torment comes to mind). Suddenly it's a whole new type of thing where you can't stay in one place forever to get ahead. Suddenly both the player and the developer has to think more about what they are doing. And this can be a bad thing too, where you no longer have the option to just grind to get by That One Boss. How about have random drops have a counter so after so many enemies if it doesn't randomly drop, it will raise the chance until eventually it is 100%. That way fighting the monsters won't be a waste and if they don't respawn, or do different places so you can't farm them, then you can keep moving and not have to worry about grinding for them. There are many ways to subtlety change it so grinding isn't a thing anymore, while still rewarding effort.

Building an Identity: Part 3

The girl looked around and blinked.

"Would you like something to put on?" said Killo thoughtfully.

She blushed and remembered she was still naked. Around her body a white nightgown formed. She looked up at Killo, who looked impressed.

"My my, you figured out how to do that very quickly eh?" he said and smiled. "I guess I did put a lot of magic and stuff into you. You seem to be surrounded by a chaotic magic field that you can use." He looked her over and said "You know you sort of look like that AI "Aura" with that outfit." Her hair suddenly became white and Killo laughed "I guess you think so too, maybe you should change your outfit then". The girl concentrated and turned her outfit green and her hair turned blond again. "wouldn't want to be caught for copyright infringement would we?" Killo said and winked.

"Umm... excuse me..." The girl said meekly.

"Hmm?" replied Killo looking at her intently.

"Whats my name?" She said.

Killo thought about this. He started trying to combine "robot" and "golem" to make some feminine name. Rogola? Gobota? But he didn't really like those. But a name was important. Things with a name were more... real so to speak then things without one. At last he said "I think you should choose one yourself. One will probably jump out at you, if not now later. Don't rush it though, it's your name, it should be something important."

The girl nodded, and thought for a while but couldn't think of anything. Killo was looking at her with a slightly odd look in his eyes and she knew that look. She knew all about Killo. She realized that they were connected, which is why she heard her voice in his head, though then they had been deeply connected and now he had went back a little. Without him there there was a change she would have gone crazy. Then again without him there she wouldn't exist in the first place. And she knew he sort of wanted her. But she also knew that there was more too it then that. Killo was a pervert, but he was not a forceful one. He wouldn't force her to love him, or even encourage it. But all that she was thinking might have been coming from him too. She snapped out of it.

"I would like to see how powerful you are if thats alright with you." Killo said.

She blinked. "You wish for me to test myself in combat?" she said. All that robot part of her seemed to come to the forefront in a moment. Combat. Not as a serious death duel but just as a game. That sounded... fun.

"If you are up for it." Killo said.

The girl's mind raced. She wasn't really made as a weapon, but much of her archetypes involved them. And she had data and essences that could be used for incredibly dangerous attacks. If she did this and this, and that too... She smiled with glee. "Yes please!".

Killo brought her to a open room padded with metal walls. This was the labs "boss room". Castlevania had them, places for big fights between Dracula's most powerful minions and his enemies that tried to storm the castle. Killo intended to keep up the tradition of sorts, only more as a game. He could assure no permanent harm came to anyone here, either heros or bosses. Normal monsters were not really alive anyway and would repopulate as soon as someone left the room.

But there was no boss in this room. This was of course because, the girl WAS the boss. Thats one of the reasons she was made, and this fact made her smile. This was HER room. She could of course choose not to work for Killo, and do anything she wanted. She know he would understand. But here and now, she wanted to see what she could do. She could feel power flowing though her. She knew like Magaman, she could turn her arm into a blaster. She could also turn it into a sword. Or anything she wanted. Her "Chaos Matter Field", the short range magical disturbance surrounding her could be manipulated to change her outer appearance or to summon some simple objects.

Killo left for a bit and in a while Jiggles came in. Killo didn't follow but both of them could tell he was watching them. The nameless girl looked at Jiggles and smiled. "Hello, Miss Jiggles. It is a pleasure to meet your acquittance. Are you here to fight me for today?"

Jiggles looked at her and smiled back. "Pleased to meet you too! I hope we can become friends... are you sure you want to fight? I know some people like it but..." Jiggles said trailing off neer the end.

"If you are worried about my safety, I assure you I am stronger then I appear. I also assure you this is just a fun contest, but I do request you take this seriously if that is all the same to you." Said the nameless girl. She knew Jiggles. She had been born with a good deal of Killo's knowledge. Jiggles was a good first sparing partner at least. Even if she hates violence, she appreciates sparring. To her, a battle isn't violence if both people enjoy it and agree not to hurt each other too much.

Jiggles smiled and said "Okay then... please be careful though... I like to fight as a contest but I don't like people getting hurt". She put up her arms and stood in a fighting stance.

'Okay', thought the nameless girl as she began to draw power and put her plan in motion, 'I need a good fast weapon'. She turned her hand into a buster cannon. 'Now,' she thought 'lets add some aspect she won't expect... The homing power of a witch essence... killo gave me some?... yes, okay.' She charged her weapon with the essence. 'Now maybe...'

SMACK

The nameless girl landed across the room.

"S-Sorry..." said Jiggles looking concerned "Um... I didn't go to far did I? I saw your arm change and felt some magic and I..." Let it be said about Jiggles, that as girlie as she looks and as sweet as she acts, she is fast as hell and hits hard when she needs to. She is also experienced and knowledgeable enough about martial arts to be a deadly force of nature. The reason for this is simple. She is a Catgirl. An anime character. And a bit of a magical girl as well. Any magical anime Catgirl that can't beat up a martial artist 5 times their size would be given funny looks.

"I'm fine." Replied the nameless girl. To herself she thought 'I was overconfident. I should have decided what weapons to use and prepare the magic needed before the battle. Jiggles is to fast for me to mix magics in the middle of a encounter. I have to be faster. Still I should be quicker next time I try if I have a plan.' She stood, and said "Continue" and began to rabid fire witch shots from her blaster.

Jiggles of course could avoid most of the shots easily but thanks to the witch essence they could trace her in that air somewhat. But Jiggles was still to quick for most of them. A few would graze her. Then Jiggles fired back. With a cry of "Nekodoken" she made a familiar hand motion and a red fiery cat-like ball of fire sped to the nameless girl and causing her to widen her eyes.

"What WHAT! How did you get THAT! And I hit you a few times! You shouldn't be able to throw that without full energy! Does... Not... Compute!" The nameless girl yelled in shock. Seeing Jiggles confused look she facepalmed and said "Sorry, incorrect analysis. I was thinking of Mega Man X not street fighter."

"Um..." Jiggles replied hesitantly "I am not sure I know what you are talking about but... anyway why do you talk like a robot? Aren't you more like a.. um... magical... thingy, sort of like me?"

The nameless girl paused thoughtfully and replied "I was constructed to be based on a robot girl archetype and so have acquired speech patterns matching the sort that would likely be used by an example of that archetype." she paused "In addition... I think it's kinda fun." She said with a big grin. Jiggles looked at the nameless girl a bit odd but said nothing.

"Also I should inform you this distraction has been utilized in order to subtlety change my weaponry to shoot what could be described as 'big frigging homing missiles of death'. Have a nice day." The nameless girl smiled.

"What?"

And suddenly they were everywhere. Jiggles rolled into a ball and rolled forward under the missiles. She zigged, she zagged, and explosions erupted all around her. The nameless girl kept firing, and Jiggles jumped into the air and fired her fireball down on her. She dodged. Jiggles dropped back into a roll and changed directions by springing off a wall and the many missiles that were trailing her impacted a wall, but the nameless girl was in front of her, firing more more. Jiggles used her blast to knock them away and jumped up the wall and the new missiles hit it again.

On and on the battle went and both started using more tricks. Jiggles wasn't at all armed to fight at a distance besides her one "Nekodoken" attack, but she was fast and hard to hit. Even so the nameless girl could use coving fire to keep away and was able to fire a lot faster. Jiggles could occasionally get in close and strike and even a few times guided the nameless girl's own missiles to explode nearby, and she got lucky shots in as well. It was a good match. In the end they both had some cuts and scrapes and were breathing hard when Killo appeared and clapped.

"I think thats enough for today. You both look like you enjoyed the work out eh?" Killo said smiling.

Jiggles huffed and puffed and said "I am getting kind of sleeeepy... this was a hard work out!" as she smiled.

"E-Energy reserves down to 20%" said the nameless girl as she panted.

"You made that up. Your just trying to sound robotic again." said killo mirthfuly

"P-perhaps" Said the nameless girl smiling sheepishly.

"Um... Do you want me to heal you up? You have a bad scrape there on your arm, sorry about that" Jiggles said concerned.

"Negative, I..." started the nameless girl and trailed off as she looked at the cut on her arm. She stopped and went white. "I... I am bleeding..." she stampeded.

Jiggles looked worried. "Oh no! Is it bad? I'll help you..." she said as she went over to use her healing kiss.

But the nameless girl stared transfixed "I-it's not that..." she said. "I-I Just realized... I am part machine, I am not really all alive... so what happens, if I die? Or get seriously hurt? You can't heal metal can you? Can machines actually heal? I have a brain and a computer chip. One is just bits of metal..."

"Don't worry about that. It doesn't matter. Your body is magical, besides... even if you were a robot it dosn't matter... because..." said Killo softly

The nameless girl remembered "Because I am imaginary after all... this this whole thing isn't real is it... it doesn't matter if I am metal or flesh... it's all a game..."

Jiggles frowned and said "That doesn't mean you don't exist! I am imaginary too. And even Killo in a way, but we think we feel... our feelings are real!"

Killo shrugged and added " who can say what is real? Words on a page are a kind of magic, existence in a story is still existence. Just remember to hang on to that one thing. That you are you. Your Identity. Thats all you need."

The nameless girl paused and stopped crying. "Identity..." She felt something. Killo could feel it too. "That's it. Thats what it will be." she said.

Jiggles however was not directly connected and didn't understand. "Huh?" She said confused.

"My name... I will name myself Identity."

Identity smiled.

Building an Identity: Part 2

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PPZZT!

Light. Darkness.

She opens her eyes.

A yell of triumph.

A voice asks "Can you hear me?"

...

"... Yes."

T̢o̸o͟ m͝uc͠h b͝ac̶k̶gr̀o҉u̶nd͡ ̶n̴ois͜e͡

Don't worry. don't worry, I'll help

"Can you sit up?"

"...Yes"

S̡h̴e͡ ... I sit up

Good focus on something solid in your mind. You are you.

T͟he ̵v̕o̴i͡c͡es̡ of chaơs̸ s̨ing͜..̴.̀

"How are you feeling?"

"... I don't know"

L̓̉̋͗̐̀ͦ̐̇̀̇̾͌̐ͤ̚̚̚͏̶̮͚̖͔̪̦̙̫̰͙͕̖̥͔̗ͅͅI̞̥̣͕͍ͯ̃̂̈́̓ͥͧ͊ͬ͢Ȩ̨̨͙͉͉̹͈̲̣̭̳̘̼̼̀̾ͧ̋̂ͦ̈͑̊͞C̡̰̜͕̹̦͇̺̞͓̜̟̥̃̓̒̿ͧ̃̐̀ͯ͒̾͜ͅH̶̔̿̿͛ͩͪ͗̐̐̾͊ͨ̄̃͏̖͚̠̳̞̟̺̝̲̤Ę̛̜̟̦͎̹̪́ͥͯͯ̽ͫ̄ͨ͆̍͛̿͐ͨ͒̑̚͘Ą̴̵̜̫͕̥̳̺͎̬̤͉͍̭͓̹̝̽͆̓̑̀͑̀͞T̨̩̼͍̜͙̥̲͉̪̮̼̭̝͎͌̓̏̈ͯͨ͜͞S̷͇͉͇̠̤̩̬̟̻̰̤̬̑ͬ͗̐̈̆͗͗̌͊ͨ͡T̶̛̮̱̝̥̦͚̞ͪ͗̂ͫͭͮ̏̍͌͜E͛̾̈͆͐͌̌̈́̓̽͠͏̛̦͚̠͍̯͜͝ͅA̵̼̟͙̳͇͓̯̫̫ͨͯ̉͊̎ͭ͑͊͘͘͠Ļ̘̙͚̭̼̩̻͕̞̩̦͚͕͐ͭ͐̂͝K̩̤͎̲̟͍͚̪̦̲̙̺̘͙̪ͥͭ̓̓̍̅̏̌ͤ̄̒̆̇̆͗̑́̕͘͞͝ͅͅͅI̴̷̼͎͚̠͙͚̼͚̻͐̎̈́̿̽͝͠L̓̇͑́ͩͯ̾̂́͟҉̼̮̟̮̯̪̙̟͈̳̝̞̯̙̥̟̯L͊̔ͨͤ̔͂̚͏̘̠̩̯̱̱̮͜ͅD̴̤̖̼̺ͫ̄̾̔̎̀͝I̿͌̈ͪ͌ͥͧ̓͑ͫͯͣ̚͘͟҉̲̪͕̤̰̘̹̘͙͇E̛̱̬̫̮͓̙̱͕ͩͬ̽̂͑ͩ̓͂ͥ̑̀̊ͨ̚͞͞
̸̈̌̐ͤ̊̆̿͏̷̡̦͍͉̩̭L̵ͪ͌̆́ͭ̃̔̄̑͋͌̌̒ͦ̿̒͛̔͘҉͚̠̜̰̫͕͚͔̮̹̜͙̣̯͕̬̀͜O̸̧̰̠͎̬͙̝͙̠̩̘̦͈̪͐̋̓̔͊̎͊ͣ͘͝͡ͅV̛̺̲͓̞̭̣̲͎̻̣̪̺̌̂̒̎̾̉̆͑͗ͯ͌ͪ̚͜E̴̜͕̰̰͔̟ͮ̔͗ͯ͆̂͐ͯͯ͞͡H̵̢̠͈̞͕͗͆̐̋̄̈̓̂͌ͪ͑̇ͩͦ̒͊̃̓̕͢͠E̷ͦ̉͗ͩ̋̓̆̓̆̓͏̣̥̮̝̖̬̤͖̲͖̰̟̤̥̮̫͖̱͘͠L̗͉̰͈̩̟̩͈͈͉͓̬̜̦ͭ͛̑ͦ̾ͪ͑͘Pͮ̎͛̅͑ͪ͒͂́ͫ͆̎̅͊̈ͣ̀͏̶͉͈̩̱͎̺̩͚͠Bͨ͑͌ͮ̊̽ͣͯ̽̇̇ͬ͑̏̔̍̚͏̯̰͚͕̝̪̜̜͖̰̩͉͖ͅE̴̢̧͈͍͈̦̫͔̪͕̍̏̓͒̀ͥͫͤ̂̂̑ͥ̂͊̇͝F̢̛̠̟̙̩̈ͮͭͧ̏ͦ̍̀ͮ̅ͣ̐̓̀͡R̅̈̔͐͗̓̉̒ͧ͋̒ͬ͑ͨͬͤ̎́҉̣̹͎̙̞̱̗̻̣̟̗̹̮̦̠̣͕̹͢ͅẸ̡̛͍̝̭͙̹̠̳̺͎̜͚͍͎͖̻͇̇͒͆͌̔̔́̃͌̔̎̃͊̅ͫ͒͒̀ͅI̛͙͖͎̗̹̠͚̪ͨͭͨ̇ͨ̓̎̒͐ͣ́͠͞N̨ͫ̎ͮ̇ͦ̀͆͋̾̄ͪ̚҉͢͜͏̰̙̩̠͈̺̞̰̬͇̲̪̞̱D͖̘̯̙̘̺̻̫̬͔̣̙̙̬̯̹͈̹ͯ͑̔̒̃̋ͪ̽ͭͪ͜͞H͐ͮͦ͊͂̓̋̿͒̓̐ͣ͢҉̘̫͇̳̮͡͞͡Ë̵̛͒̊̊̓̕҉̸̺̟̫̗̰̲̠̟A̖̦͚͍̺̘͊̈́̉̂̔ͣͦ͊̀͜͟L̏ͦ͊̂̓́̽ͯ̉̽̀͆͆̎̅̓̚̚͏̧̡̨̰̘̩̰̥͙͎̼̪͎̺̖̣̗̦̱͇͝
ͭ̊̑ͫ̑̓̄ͩͨ̀ͦ̂ͬ̊͢͠҉҉͚͔̝͇̮̺͙̻̙̥̣͇̝̥͚̥̟ͅJ̸̥̪̪͍͌ͪ̌̃ͭ͆̽̓ͨ̕Ư̛̥̲̜̬̗͔̠͙̫͍̯̮͉̖ͣ̍̊͂̑̎̆̅̿͜͝ͅṢ̡͖͓̿͂͋̈́̋̃̇͠T͋̂͗̑͊̀̐ͮ̏̾͒̔̍̅̃̒̒̚͟҉̨̡̗͕̥̹̜͟ͅB̧̛͔̟͎̳̻̹̥̝̹̟̏̑͐̊̋̉̽͗͋ͣ͊ͤ͂ͥͮͯ̌ͨ͘É̙̫̞̟̮̬͆ͪ̈̿ͪ͗͑̐̾̂̃́͘͟͜͜J̴̲̫̳͇̪̩̫̟̳ͤ͑̏̄̃̽̓ͬ̏ͬͥ̕Ư̥͖̗͔̹̙̩̖͈̑̇̃́̃ͣͯ̂ͪS̥̩̩͈̪͕͓͈̮̠̪̰͍̺͈͓̾̀̍͑͗̑̈́̾̀͡͝Tͭͩ͒͘͟͏̕͏̻͕͉̯̥̘̩͓͓̟̰̲̠̳͓͚̮͔̣.̴̧̞͈̩̹̻̜̹͆̍̈ͨͦ̀.̴̴̝̘̬̫͍̘ͥ̈ͫͥ̊̿̌ͭͮ̂ͬ̾͒͊ͧͦ.̷̸̽ͫ̒͂̇̎҉̗͙̪͍͖̗̺̫̬͈͇̦̻͓̗̮̫̟͔

... It's everywhere... C̶̦̣̦͓̝̦͇̐ͬ͑̄̎̀́͞h̵̶̩̙̦͈̻̭́̍ͦͥ̿́̿̈͛̄ͨͥ̂͐͐̋ͫ́ḁ̶̷̢̠̲̼̦̘̺̳̺̞͕̫͉̣͇̈́ͤ̾ͨ̿͑̉͛ȯ̴̶͕̬̞̻͛͐͛ͧ̌̍ͥͩ̃ͨͩͧ̎ͨͪ̂ͨͣ͞ś̸̸̟̟͕͖͍̬͈̣̄͑̑͋ͥ̋́ I can't understand it...

So r͝an̷do̷m̴ and strange.

Don't worry about it... It may seem like that but

I am a machine I need logic and order
I ͘am̵ ͢aliv̸e̵ I͜ n͡ȩe͢d҉ e̡mo̕ti̢o͢n̛ a̵nd ͜dr͝ive͏

Aren't we all? What is life but a machine of flesh?
W͡h͡a̶t͟ i҉s̵ ͏a͢ m͢a̢c̸h҉i͜n̵e͜ ̢bu͟t ̕or҉de̛red ̵chao̕s?̡

C̨h̶a͘os͟ can be ordered... mathematical
Order can b̕e d̀ìso͘r҉d́er̸ed͡,͝ ̶un͜p̨re̷d҉i̛cta͜bl̷e͝.̧

"Can you walk?"

"... Yes"

I get up. I walk slowly.

"Tell me, can you feel this?"

He rubs his hand across my body lightly touching my n̤i̶͖̺̹̥̭̦̬p̯̮͢p̷͇̭͈̰͈͑ͫ̇̽̇̽̚l͖̝ͧ͂ͮ̓̄̄e͇̺͓̭̤̹͗̿

O̡̻̫̖̮̥ͤ̋́̏ͯ̏ͪ̊ͨͣ͆̔̈́̎̒̀ḣ̢̢͈̜̮̜̞̤̹̤̯̰͓̜̅ͣͯ̂ͨͧ̈ͅ.͍̝̪̝̱̬̞͇̯̇ͥͪͧ͆̋̋͒ͥ͋̅̐̌ͧ̈́̅͠.̨̮͖̯͚͚͉̤̲̻̏̄͂͐̀̈́ͥ̾͗̓̓̂̀̿̽͂̓̐ͤ͘ ̤̣͓͔̣̮̮̜͚̗͉̳͙̺̝̍̇ͨ̈͜͞͡͝ͅT̴̶̛̻͍͈̖͈̭̝̪̻͆͐ͩ̂͑͒ͬ͊́̕h̸̐ͣ̅̓̀҉̢̰̬͖͇͘a̷̵̮̱͇̹̰̲̝̣̳̳̪̼͇̩͇͂ͮͨ̆͗ͤ̔̇̅͘͞ͅt̢͕̖̤̺̪̱̙̰̬͚̗̖ͩ̋̄̃ͦͧͮͤ̃̐͌̍͗̈͊̽̚͢ͅ.̵̰̬̰͙̬͔̻ͫ̈́ͭ͂ͤͪ̎̌̆͊̍̉͂̀͠.͊̑ͭ͐͑͛ͩ͟͡͏̡̰̖͚̮͎̻̜̜̬̻̦̬̳͖͖͘.̸̡̟̩͙͓̞̘̟̪͚̖̗̤̥͛̇̿̇ͪ̽͘͜!̷̨̢̗̯͈̦̋̅̎͛̎͊́ͮͧ̊ͥ̅͒ͬ̉̚͢

He stops.

"... Y-yes"

Wh͜a͏t ̛w̨a͠s t̶ha͝t̴?

"Good." It's okay, I just wanted to make sure. You can deal with this. I will help you.
I won't̕ den͠y͟ ͠a̛ ͜bit ̵of o͟th͢e͠r̵ in͡ter͏e̷s̷t̷ ͡thou̧g͘h̛.҉..͟But that's besides the point.

I-I am b͏l̛u̸sh̶i̴ng̨...

"Okay, the truth is like this... Chaos and Order are not actually opposites or even enemies, they are like two sides to the same coin" or maybe two ways of looking at the same thing "Look at fractals or chaos theory for example, ordered logical ways of looking at disordered things." A butterfly flaps his wings and all that rot. "So don't worry about it. Your no different form anyone else, born from Chaos, but seeking to order things in your mind" I say born from chaos but your body is ordered into a form and sparked with chaos. "Your still alive, or at least as alive as anything else can be here" It's complected but we..

C̨̧̄̆͑̍͌ͮ̇͂̚͜͏̤͎͖̗͖͖̹͖͉̲̤̘̻̹̜̲̫̮ͅh̶̛̘͎̝͓͉̪͎̲̱̪͇̻͎̱̟̏̃̑̾̿ͮ̐͂͜ä̴̛͚̝̗̞̞̠̘̺͎͌̆̇ͭ̃̊̔͛́̌ͭͫō̈ͬͥ̈̍̃ͧ̋̃̂ͣ̇̿͗҉̛̳̝̭̬̺̕͝s̶̛͓̻̬̲̞̳̹͎̠̝͒ͦͨ̃ͬ̽̓ͣ͂͂́ͮ͜͠ i̻̭̹͎̟͓͙͉͢ś̵̰͉̺͝ͅ pa̶ŗ̛҉t̨ ̨ơ̡f̡̢ th̡e͠ mac͘h́i̧ne, I see... I understand... I see the Loręn̸ź atţra͡c͜t̢o͘ŗ and I see the pattern. I see the f͠ra̶ct̷al and I see the over all shape. H̸̶͇̥̮̟̱̠̮͔̱͖̞͗̾ͪ̾̀͞e͂̓̏̑ͨ͆̈̐̽̇҉̢͚͍̪̺̲̭̤͚̩̪̞͡ comes when I call not when I don't. I am a machine. I am Chaos. I am alive.

...Initialization complete?

Building an Identity: Part 1

Killo Zapit was tinkering in what is know as the "Mad Science Laboratory" which was located somewhere near the upper halls in the front part of Killovania. Probably. Maybe. It was honestly hard to tell.

Killovania was after all rather strange when it came to time and space. It was after all really a reincarnation of sorts of the famous Castlevania, Dracula's former castle in another dimension which had been described as a "Creature of Chaos", which was, after all, why Killo was attracted to it in the first place. So Killo, after the castle's last final destruction in that dimension in 2035, had decided to find the last remnant of the chaotic realm portal which was flung away during the final desolation and sneak in to resurrect the castle for himself. Of course he only was able to make a offshoot version, a variant, but that was enough for his needs.

Things had changed slightly in Killo's version, either according to his design, or as a mirror of his mind. The "Inner Quarters" had morphed into the "Concubine's Quarters" where many of the succubi, the strange maids, and other female spirits made their home, ready to serve Killo's ... interests. Though this was also one of the more sane and homely parts of the castle and no actual strange activities went on there (as Killo usually sent them to his throne room for ... that stuff), so Jiggles and some others also had rooms there.

The chapel area was completely abandoned except for a few ghosts and such. Why Dracula even had one, with his apparent hatred of god, Killo never understood. It didn't look demonic or evil, and Dracula dealt with a lot of demonic and evil things, but the chapel always bugged him. He guessed it was that way because Dracula still believed in God in his own twisted way, even if he hated him. Killo had no use for gods of any sort. So the chapel became "The Abandoned Chapel", a dark derelict place, with broken stained glass windows and icons.

Jiggles found it sad in some way. It looked to her like a reminder of some faith someone had once had only to be thrown away. Why it even was there no one but Killo would know, and if he knew he wasn't telling. Jiggles wondered if it was there for a time where Killo would regain faith in something more besides himself. Jiggles secretly hoped so. She wasn't religious as such, but she did believe in faith. She would sometimes come down there to pray, not to any real god, but just to pray. She couldn't be sure, but she thought maybe, when she did, the room seemed less derelict and sad afterwards.

The old "Alchemy Laboratory" had been changed and modernized and looked sort of like a cross between it's old self, the "Devil's Laboratory" in the rebuilt castle cultist made in the universe that the original Castlevania was from, and a old "Frankenstein" movie set. This was of course the "Mad Science Laboratory", and where Killo was currently tinkering, working on a project he had begun when he had first created this lab.

The project was that of a magic construct, a sort of combination of a robot, a golem, a living doll, and maybe a tiny bit of a Frankenstein monster. For most the very idea would speak of science gone mad, and man's hubris to create like a god. Killo of course scoffed at gods, and he wasn't exactly a man anyway. Besides, to Killo man's hubris was not in creation, after all man does that all the time. Man creates art, creates stories, creates crafts, and even indirectly creates the next generation of man. No man's hubris was, to Killo, thinking they could control it, thinking it was somehow theirs, and this hubris was extended to gods as well. Killo didn't intend to control his creation, only perhaps to guide it at best. Killo created for the joy of creation and the interest of watching the results.

Besides he had done it before, of a sort. Both Jiggles and her older "sister" were created in a similar way, but they had different archetypes and were made up of different things. Jiggles was, more or less, a cloned body given a part of Killo's "soul" and with an imprinted archetype, while her "sister" known as Blacky was actually made entirely with magic, gaining substance of a sort after. This project though was more creating a shell body out of mostly inorganic materials and powered and animated with magic. Not that it really matters though. The biggest real difference is that both Blacky and Jiggles were "cat-like" beings, Blacky resembling more a real cat, and Jiggles resembling more a anime-style cat-girl. This project however would be more robot/android-like, or perhaps golem-like, both in materials used, and in the archetypes it draws from.

It's not that how you make a construct is irrelevant, but archetypes are usually more important, especially for personality. An archetype could be in terms of personality thought of as a mental role model, or more likely, a collection of role models. But the magic also flows to make the body more like the role model, giving them similar powers and weaknesses. It is the construct really that decides most of the time, but it needs choices to decide from, and of course, if it's put into a body already quite similar to an ideal expression of it's form, it will tend to match that.

The body Killo was designing was that of a youngish girl. Of course. It had a metal skeleton-like robotic frame, a carved wooden and plastic doll-like exterior, padded with clay in some places, and covered with organic skin. In the robotic brain case was a electronic cpu of some sort wired with fleshy brain bits as well as other electronics. Some of the muscles and organs were fleshy as well, and the... sensitive parts were quite fleshy. One might marvel at the craftsmanship or be horrified with the use of what seems like human body parts, but both would be unfounded reactions for one very important reason: Killo cheated to make it.

[Exposition Dump Begin]

Killovania only came to be because Killo gave up a small part of himself to do it, although really gave up isn't quite the right term because Killo didn't really lose anything, as he can just multiply himself almost effortlessly. Anyway, that meant Killovania was not only his, but in fact, almost part of him. And since it was rejected from the timeline of the, as Killo would say, "canon" Castlevania universe, it was in effect, outside of any particular universe as much as Killo is. Witch basically means, Killo makes all the rules in it. Hence Killo can craft things simply by his will.

Of course it's not quite as easy as poof and anything he wants is there, because, as a general rule of magic, the greater disturbance to the status quo something is, the less "real" it is. Things popping out of nowhere tend to devolve quickly into nothing. The easiest way to get around that is to get raw materials and simply transmute them into something else. Another way is prototyping, taking a raw chaotic form of matter and exposing it to a "form" witch, like a material archetype, causes the chaos to tend to transform into a copy of it. There are other tricks too. Killo has learned most of them.

Also he obtained one inherent to becoming the lord of the castle, the control of the "souls" of all the monsters there. Really though calling them souls is not quite accurate though. A soul is a living thing, a consciousness. It changes and grows. But the souls of the monsters bound to the castle lost that part ages ago. What remains behind is more what Killo calls "essence", which is like it's archetype of sorts, but more specific. It's all the information that makes a thing a thing, so to speak. Monsters form and are destroyed and form again out of this essence, and they become the servant of the master of the castle. But it can also be used to call upon the abilities of the monster, and as a powerful form of prototyping.

But, even with all this, anything made with these techniques (besides maybe a existing material object form outside enchanted with something else) can not be trusted to work outside of Killovania it's self. It might work, it might vanish, it might fall apart, it might explode. Killo can sneak into other universes sometimes, mostly because he projects himself, either as a bodiless entity who watches from afar, or in a body that is half illusion and half real. If he focuses on an object he might be able to get it to manifest there, but he isn't very good at focus in any case. But things with a soul, they can be projected in the same way. Any thing with a soul here could be said to have a soul on the outside as well. You couldn't of course actually use this for much if you were a pan-dimensional evil conquer since it involves way to much to do in large numbers, but for Killo he just wanted to experiment.

[Exposition Dump End]

When Killo finished the shell, it was a mess. It was really a pile of material, much of it disconnected and piled on in layers that didn't make sense. The robotic skeleton was the most actively functional part, and it probably would have turned on if it had a power supply but wouldn't have moved because it's cpu only had a few very basic instructions and no real function besides to wait for input from the fleshy brain bits which were wired up but not really alive and showed no activity. The skeleton was really covered by a wood and plasic shell which was fixed with mud and had flesh on top and if it moved it would have all probably cracked and slid off. Outwardly it looked like a naked young girl with blond hair, but if you looked close you noticed overlaps and sloppy gaps in the skin in places. And it probably stunk a bit too.

This would change of course. Golems were made of simple inflexible clay after all, the magic changes them, it would change this girl. The magic began by taking the souls/essences of many suitably appropriate monsters into her. There were all sorts. Golems of course, both clay and iron had there essence. And of course those of some of those enchanted cursed dolls. There were even a few types of robots hanging around, and they had essence as much as anything else, so he added some. Some types of Angels too just for kicks, which yet again were odd to find in Draclua's former castle, but there were some. Witches too. Maybe Succubi and some of those maids. And those plant ladies, he had one in his gardens, they were nice. Maybe this and that.

He also decided to upload some stuff into the memory in her brain. Some copies of some games, like Mega Man X and it's sequels. Hell, Most of the Mega Man series. Sonic Battle had a interesting robot character too. That Astroboy GBA game? Sure. He stuffed a hard drive full of other robot related stuff in her head. After all, "data" and "essence" are about the same. He was a modern guy after all. He looked around shifty eyed and said to no one "These are all back up copies of course... I own the carts honest". There are some forces even HE was scared of after all. Or maybe he just thought it was funny.

Next he reached into his own chest and pulled out a bit of his own essence. This was of course, completely painless. He reached though her chest and placed it inside without disturbing anything. This would be her "heart" and power source. A part of his being that would always connect them. Each of his creations had a bit, after all, how else were you going to create something? You couldn't just will life into existence ya know. Well you could, but that will would be a part of yourself. Souls are easy to divide, but almost impossible to construct form scratch. With a robotic element it MIGHT be possible to make an AI, but real intelligent living AI's needed either far more programing skill then anyone had, a long time for simple genetic programing to develop the right complexity, or perhaps an extremely lucky break. And for an AI, while developing a full soul is possible, Killo was sure it would take a lot more tech then he had at the moment.

Anyway now came the last step, to pump her full of magical energy and let it change her. And since this WAS the mad science lab, he was going to do it in the mad science way. He pulled a level and the table rose up, while up above a thunder storm was raging, called by Killo's control over this place. Millions of metal boxes with electric tubes, dials, readouts, and other devices beeped and sparked, as Killo adjusted some random instruments. They were random too. Most of this equipment was just for show. "Live! Make my creation live!" Shouted Killo as he cackled madly. Killo was actually quite proud of his evil laugh. It was fun to laugh like this once and a while.

Lightning stuck.
The robotic frame drew power from it, turned on, and began to overload.
The wood seemed to spark and catch fire.
The dry mud blasted apart.
The flesh began to melt.
The essences and the heart Killo put there fed on the raw elemental energy.
Things started to change.

The robotic frame's circuits fused together in strange ways with the surrounding material.
The wood's fire glowed green or blue and changed rather then consume.
The mud became liquid and filled the gaps and expanded inside.
The flesh melted into the mud and changed it to be like flesh too.
The magical essence mixed into everything.
The Heart glowed and spread magic throughout the whole body.

There was a moment of flux where everything became charged with magic and glowed brightly. A moment of perfect chaos. Killo whispered to it in thought in a language without words:

"Chaos is Life. You are Chaos. You are alive. After a fashion anyway.”

“Become life, I have forged your body. Become Life I will share our souls. Become life and I will guide you.”

“Pretty please with a cherry on top?”

The light exploded for a moment then faded.
The table was lowered again.

The girl opened her eyes.

"IT'S ALIVE! IT'S ALIVE!!!!"

ROM Slacker

I think it's about time I game a hack progress report. After three going on four years, my hack project still hasn't progressed past some basic ASM and graphic work. And while I sort of like the work I have done on it so far the last time I think I made any significant progress on my hack was over a year or two ago.

This may change soon. Not to drag my life to much into it, but I am in the process of re-obtaining some equipment which may help me sleep significantly better, although last time I had it I was unable to get used to using it for the required time to satisfy my medical insurance. I could have gone to the sleep clinic again right away but I decided to instead see if I could fix some allergy problems which I felt may be the cause of my struggles with the machine, and also a more pressing matter over all. But, although I think my allergy problems are perhaps slightly better, they are not improving as much as I like, so I decided to go back to the sleep center, and after a bit of hassle, I am approved for a new machine. This MAY help. I am honestly not expecting that much from it. Last time I felt a lot better over all when using it, allergies included, but it's terribly hard to get used to, and I think my allergies may have made a lot of pressure build up. But really, any little bit helps, and if I can stick too it, may feel a whole lot better.

But really, I don't expect it to help my hacking all that much. Even when I am more or less fully awake, I just can't really get in the frame of mind for doing work. I can sit in front of a screen and look at code, but I often box my self into a corner and get frustrated or just don't want to bother doing something hard. Basically everything I do is the easy stuff, but now there is no real easy stuff left I can do without tackling the hard stuff. Level design is even worse because I can't seem to get into a real groove where I know what I want to do with a level all that often. There are times when I have, but they are extremely rare, and I usually just look at the screen utterly lost in what kind of thing I should do. I guess I could start pasting things randomly in the level and working out the details, which is exactly how I designed the OW map, but that kind of level design doesn't really fit the linear gameplay-centric style of Mario-style levels. A lot of my designs I have done have been almost exclusively based on aesthetics and not gameplay, and I am still not exactly sure what kind of gameplay I really want.

Perhaps I should take after some things Homestuck has done and have everything be completely focused on narrative with small game segments to allow the player to get a feel for the world instead of my original plan of having 80%-90% of the game almost entirely plotless. After seeing things that Homestuck has done, I am very tempted to do just that. But I don't really want to do that because I have seen romhacks that had heavy narrative focus, and I hated them. Maybe it was more the way the narrative and gameplay got in the way of each other rather then flowing together as one. And even before I got into Homestuck I was already thinking of things like throwing in overhead RPG segments with RPG boss battles, and other very odd subversions of the expected formula for Mario hacks. At first I thought such things would be pipe dreams, but there are tons and tons of patches and more coming every day that may make even my most crazy ideas fairly easy. I kind of wanted at first to use primarily my own asm, but most of the things I really wanted to do ended up being done by other people. There are still a whole bunch of things that would be tricky to do, like Homestuck's elaborate [s] animations, but even that is not impossible, as things like MPU-1 or even a series of stim images can work almost as well. The problem would be doing the art. If you couldn't tell from my pictographs, I kinda suck at art. But I am better at pixel art I guess.

Either way, I long ago set a deadline for myself for this project. That deadline is December 21, 2012. I thought it was a fitting date for a reevaluation of my life either way. And thats only about a year and a half away. Now a lot can happen in that time, and if I really make progress on my hack, I will continue it until it's done regardless.

If not well, there are a few other things I want to work on some day as well. Before I got into romhacking, I was working a bit on a metroidvania game about magical girls and H.P Lovecraft. Yeah, what a combination eh? And despite what you may think I promise I was not going to involve naughty tentacles ... that much. Regardless I still sort of like the idea, and I still have the old techdemo I wrote for verge with it in mind.

I also still have thoughts about doing something with zdoom (which I already wrote about a while ago) One of the people I hang around with on the net sometimes has gotten into zdoom stuff lately, and we both had a similar idea to do a sort of Yume Nikki or L.S.D. Dream Emulator inspired surreal horror thing with it. However I am unable to get Doom Builder to work on linux (though wine or virtual box) and he is very new to level editing and stuff. I think if I am unable to get myself to work on my hack in the near future I may end up working on one of these two things instead. I have tried to avoid any other project that would distract from my hack too much, but at this point I don't think it matters.

Some Assembly Required

I just had a major freak out as a result of lots of stupid things related to romhacking. Although I only really addressed one of them. I am not going to list every example, but if you read the list of my posts on this page and working your way back you may find I do a lot of rather condescending post regarding someone's programing.

Maybe I am just full of myself. But I do think a lot of the ASM done on that site is sloppy and buggy. I guess it really doesn't matter when I usually make my own or modify others for my needs, but there is something, as I said, that often hurts part of "the inner programmer in my soul". I think of everything this is the thing I am most snobby and dickish about, mostly because it's a thing I think is very important to get right. I mean, I am not a professional, but I scrutinize and am effected by all the programing I see. I mean both my other rage topics were also about programing or design related subjects, and I have a lot more I could gripe about for hours.

Then again my semi-perfectionist nature is probably partly (but probably no where near majority) responsible for my ingrained lazyness. If I can't do something right, I feel like I shouldn't do it, and I tend to be over ambitious. So yeah.

Really it's easy for anyone to be a dick about somethings and I was up all night, not that that matters much.

Still I have to say it:
ASM RAAAAGGGEEEE!!!

ZDoomed

Every once and a while, I find myself fiddling with Zdoom (well actually Gzdoom, but they are basically the same. Gzdoom just has some extra fancy 3d stuff). Now I have a history with Zdoom. Years before I started being to lazy to do romhacking, I was being to lazy to do Zdoom editing. See what makes Zdoom is a updated and heavily updated version of what has retroactively become known as the id Tech 1 engine which was made famous by Doom. The great thing about Doom and the other games that share it's engine is how they are the first games to focus on being easy to edit by every one. Zdoom also adds all of the features of Hexen and a ton of it's own features to make it almost like a full game creation tool.

After I started getting into romhacking I stopped using zdoom or visiting the zdoom fourms (actually between zdoom and romhacking, I was involved with something called verge, which I also was involved with before getting into zdoom too). But lately, maybe because my hack isn't really going anywhere at the moment, I have every once and a while found myself fiddling with zdoom again.

I guess a recurring problem for me is I always seem to want to do ridiculously ambitious projects, which cause me to reach a point where I am basically stuck because I have neither the talent nor the patience to do any more. I think my hack may be the project I have stuck to the longest, but it isn't the only one I deeply wanted to do. In verge I was making a platformer of my own, but ran into problems after a while. I did abuse verge's scripting language to hell and back, but they are not even using that language anymore, so eh. For zdoom, I admit I never had a good idea of what I wanted to do really. But I did have a basic outline.

In my last blog post I briefly mentioned Ultima Underworld, which is one of the best first person games ever. A long long time ago, before I even knew zdoom existed, I attempted to make a Ultima Underworld clone I called Underrealm using the half-life engine. I actually managed to get a ton of stuff done, including a inventory system, but my progress was hindered when the SDK was almost completely rewritten and my code suddenly became almost useless. By the time I managed to fix it, it happened again, and I just gave up because I didn't understand the new code at all. And that was the last time I really fiddled around with much C++.

In any case I found map editing in half-life somewhat cumbersome and hard to do. I always preferred doom-style 2d maps for there ease of use. I had messed around with editing doom 2, heretic and hexen, but found them inflexible due to the fact that you could only really edit the maps and graphics, and not the behavior of the things in it. There was a tool called dehacked that allowed some editing of things and weapons by changing the exe, but I still found it too limited in the long run.

Zdoom changed all that. It had built-in dehacked, and ton of other interesting features. As I started to work with it, more and more features were added, and now dehacked became obsolete in favor of a new feature called decorate, which quickly expanded past anything someone using dehacked even dreamed possible. New ideas and possibility opened up, and I worked long into the night on this or that. It seemed anything was possible, or would soon be possible. But it still wasn't enough if I wanted to restart my Underrealm project. Custom inventory was a huge step forward (most of it's features in zdoom are actually a lot like what I was doing for half-life, probably because I had a lot of the same design goals in mind back then).

But even today there are still things I want to do which I can't without changing the source code. Honestly I probably could change the source code and make my own version, as all the code is free. I didn't want to make my own version just for one or two changes, but unlike half-life's code I do understand a fair bit of it from what I have seen. Either way, if I were to make a game that way I would still need levels and such, and I would still need to do a lot of work. It would honestly be better if I found a free 3D engine or API and did it all my self, or maybe even hack half-life 2's source engine which has a lot of awesome features, but I haven't touched either half-life 2, or steam in years.

In any case, after a while, my interest shifted away from first person 3D games, into platformers and such, and then into romhacking and ASM. Maybe I am still making all the same mistakes I did back then. I was never very good at level design, and always focused on other things first. I never had the fortitude to continue working after I hit a roadblock of some kind, but at least I am determined not to give up quite yet. What can I really do?

I guess it really comes down to effort, talent, and community support. Back in my zdoom days I never really had that much community support because everyone was focused more on other things. Not that I didn't have some fun with people there, just that no one was really rooting for me, and I doubt anyone remembers me now. Same with verge really. With half-life I never even joined a community. With my hack though, while I wouldn't say the whole community is behind me, I think I have a good number of people who at least notice me and my work.

Talent I really couldn't say. I think I have gotten way way better at almost everything, but I am not sure if I really have a knack for making games, even if I really want to. It just doesn't flow out like I would like it to, and I end up wasting time on silly things. About half my work on my hack has been silly graphics and asm experiments.

Effort is the killer though. I just can't make myself do anything I don't like, and there are tons and tons of tedious annoying things I always find myself needing to do. Like with my hack and levels. If I could sit down and focus on it for a few hours each day, I think I would have my hack mostly done by now. But I simply can't. It's tedious annoying busy work. It might not be if I had a talent for it but I don't. Oh well.

Really this has been more of a introspective look at my loserdom then talking about zdoom, but oh well.

Turn on the Fan

I admit I can be a huge nerd sometimes, and at times I can go overboard and become a little crazy about things. I mean the main character of my hack is a catgirl for goodness sakes. Although I originally intended to deconstruct and/or parody the concept at first, I have become so endeared to Jiggles' character it became more of a reconstruction and attempt to make the actual catgirl stock character actually mean something. God how nerdy is that?

But whats worse, I found myself inserting fan wanky elements from other works into my story. For example did you know Killo's castle "Killovania" is more then justr a clever name? It's literally a rebuilt version of Castlevania. He actually went in to the Castlevania universe and yanked part of Choas that was left behind after Soma rejected becoming the darklord. Yeah seriously. And Zuru, the character who runs the shop in my hack, is actually the daughter of Zara, a minor character in Quest for Glory. Not making this up, I wrote all that stuff into the backstory of my hack.

You see, Killo is sort of a representation of me as a person who plays games. He "crosses dimentions" and "projects" himself into different worlds, which is how he mostly gained all his power and knowledge. Every time I play a game, I imagine Killo actually keeps any abilities or sometimes items I find or learn in that game, to the point where he now has tons and tons of them. Sometimes I do things in games JUST to get these imaginary abilities and items, even if they aren't useful in the game it's self, it's useful for my imaginary meta-game where Killo collects them. Jiggles also has gained a bunch of her abilities from me playing her in other games. For example, I sort of want to give her some abilities and items she got in Drawn to Life and her whole outfit and some more items and powers comes from my time playing her in Gaia Online and it's MMORPG minigame (which I might add I haven't touched in ages). So yeah, I am a geek.

I also had a few ideas for fan works. Here are a few:

1. A Quest for Glory fangame sequel staring the son or daughter of the hero and his queen taking place years after the hero marries and becomes king in QFG5. I thought a good deal about this but never worked on it. It would feature a duel-class system where you choose one for the father (out of Fighter/Mage/Thief/Paladin) and one for the mother (where you choose a class representing one of the 4 brides in QFG5, which is basically Fighter/Dark Mage/Dancer/White Mage) and it would decide the appearance of the child and it's abilities based on that (as well maybe the politics and appearance of your home city based on it). The world would be more open and vast but less detailed, using backgrounds and areas form all 5 games, and a OW map to travel.

2. A SaGa crossover fangame that involved a bunch of characters from various SaGa games in a entirely new story. Only thing I really thought about that well is Asellus' role, where she is the chosen leader of her people after the defeat of the Charm Lord and she, being half-mystic, the only one of her people able to coexist with humans (possibly making most Mystics unable to stand sunlight).

3. A sequel to Secret of Evermore, because good god it needs one, bad. Possibly since all the characters form earth left at the end, it would involve several playable characters from the different time period themed towns as they join forces to confront a new evil. Possible characters: Girl from Prehistoria with a grass skirt and top who uses a spear, a thief/pirate from Crustacia who uses daggers, a gladiator from Nobilia who uses swords, a knight from Ebon keep who uses an axe, and, of course, a robot dog from Omnitopia. Yeah I know the dog went home, it's an actualy robot. It's cool goddamnit.

Anyway, yeah, I should get out more.

It's Not Polite to Point

Lately one question seems to enter my mind more then any other: Whats the point? Now I am not a pessimist, and I don't think life is pointless (except maybe when I was a teenager, which is par for the course). Well, okay I sort of think life is pointless, but only in a vague way that has nothing to do with our lives. Basically, I think life doesn't really need a point overall, because thats sort of not the point. See my point?

Okay, okay, look at it this way. Whatever the reason life may exist it has little to do with my OWN life directly. It's up to the individual to find their own point. Or not. In any case, my problem is in motivation not an existential crisis. I got most of my existential crises over with over the last 10 years or so. Nor do I (or even at my worst teenage years) have serious thoughts of suicide or anything.

In fact let me talk about suicide for a moment, because I actually see my fair share of people talking about it online, and I often try to talk them out of it (even if I don't really think they would actually do it). The basic arguments I make is that: 1. Suicide is basically giving up, 2. Things do change (often whether you want them to or not I may add), and 3. There is no proof it will actually solve anything. So there. Don't commit suicide. In fact I rather recommend homicide to be quite honest. But just barely, and only because arguments 2 and 3 apply to it, but 1 only applies most of the time. Lucky for me, while desperate times may call for desperate, measures, my time is no where near desperate. So let's just put the whole mess of killing behind me... though it's nice to know if I were staving I would sooner cut people up and eat them then kill myself, isn't it? ^_^ Okay that joke was in bad taste... And so is this one! *SHOT* Okay okay...

Anyway, extremely dark humor aside, talking about various kinds of -cide is not what I wanted to rant about. It was the fact that a lot of things I think of as pointless, even if life on the whole is not. In fact, I quite enjoy my decedent lifestyle. Living off the government, not working or going to school, you know. It's just, actually doing anything with my life, well, that's sort of the spot I am having trouble with. And I think there are a few interesting reasons for this.

A major one is that I think a lot of the motivation behind people comes from social pressures and cues. In my last rant I talked a bit about the Hikikomori/NEET problem in Japan, but I didn't really get in to details. In anime and some real life pictures I have seen, they seem to live constantly surrounded by clutter. The other day I was looking around my apartment and realized just how much it looked like in the depictions I have seen. A pile of trash and empty bottles on the table, trash over the floor, etc. Of course I cleaned up a bit since then, I basically have to. If I don't I get yelled at. Another thing I neglect is showers. But I hardly sweet, and not many people comment on it, so I usually assume they simply don't notice (and they usually don't I think). No doubt if I had regular friends or - god forbid - a girlfriend, that would change very quick.

Whats more I think is motivation to do other things, like work or projects like my hack, would be a lot higher if I had anyone who actively cared. I would probably write in this blog more if more people commented too (hint hint). Let's face it, other human beings are at least %75 to %80 (maybe more) of why people do things. No matter if it's friends or family, or even strangers online, people's motivations are primarily related to other people. Not all of it's for the benefit of said other people mind you, some just want an audience, or enjoy making them suffer. But regardless, other people are usually involved somehow. There are still some motivations that run deeper then that. Basic survival is one, creating something for your own personal satisfaction is another. And those two may be reducible to a simple drive to exist (and continue to exist in some way even after you die).

And as for my hack, well, I think that kinda was a mix of the two. I started it both because I wanted to be part of a great community, and also because I wanted to explore or spread some of my ideas and philosophical nonsense. Jiggles herself is both a character I have RPed several times and also part of a more philosophical outlook on things. The reason why I continue to work on hacking is primarily because of the community (and also the tools are nice and I like asm but still), and the reason I want to tell the story is primarily because of a kind of wish to tell things that hopefully people will take to heart.

The problem is, on both counts I am undermined by things. On the hacking side, I feel I do a more effective job almost making small patches and helping out people, and on the story side I find I do a more effective job just telling people by basic ideas. So I have been sort of in this mood of not really wanting to do any actually work on my hack, despite the fact it really is ultimately my goal.

So what can I do? I think if people were more interested in it directly, or maybe even worked with me on it, I may do a much better job of being motivated to work on it. Maybe thats my problem, I am just no good doing things on my own. I may have ideas, and maybe even talent, but I am just not focused or motivated enough to do stuff. But at the same time, I don't know if I want to work with anyone else either. I am often lazy, and I am controlling, always wanting to follow MY idea, not someone else's. Hence why I didn't join any of the various community projects sprouting up. Besides that, I think I have been drifting away from the community as a whole, mostly because I only post and go on IRC occasionally as most of the time I just don't care to talk.

Though it could also be mostly just being lazy and/or tired a lot. Maybe I also need some time to get back in the mood for hacking. In any case, I haven't completely given up yet, and my deadline is when the world ends in 2012. After that well... If I am still alive, I will see what happens.

What happens when figments of my imagination get bored

The following is a collection of notes written about various subjects by Zuru, current maintainer and researcher of the library in “Killovania”.

The statements herein are based on my own opinion and research primarily conducted with the books within this library which maybe unreliable as they are actually manifestations of knowledge accumulated in the mind of the entity known as “Killo Zapit” and as such may be unreliable, however a good portion is actually partial text of other work and is, if unreliable, at least interesting and worthy of study (I would not advice browsing if you are easily offended or disturbed however).

About Other Worlds:

Often other worlds can be strange places, filled with exotic creatures or strange objects, but also just as often filled with things that are familiar, or even outright identical. Traveling between worlds or just observing them though magical means can be quite confusing for people who don't exactly understand what other worlds actually are and why they behave like they do.

As a mage, I am used to using the term “world” informally, as magic users often do, to refer to a number of things. As magic is often used to transcend dimensional barriers as often as to cross physical space, often without being able to tell the difference, the use of the word “world” to refer only to a planet in space as people from universes without magic or equivalent technology often do strikes me as slightly odd, but on the other hand I realized the precise meaning of the terms are often unclear.

Magic users and mystics can refer to other planets in space, other universes, nearby planes, alternate realities, and even states of being as different “worlds”. Thus the term “world” can be thought of as any sort of distinct space, physical, mental or even, rarely, in time, for which a stark boundary exists. For example the “spirit world”, while often occupying the same physical space as another world, is none the less distinct from it because of the class of beings that inhabit it, or the rules that govern it, and there is definitely a sort of barrier between them.

Thus a world is not the same as a “planet”. A “planet” refers only to a physical mass of matter. Though all planets are also worlds, not all worlds are planets. Also there can be more then one world on a given planet. Some people think of a planet requiring a particular shape and size to really count. Usually they need to be round balls, or in some universes, flat circles or squares. Also small rocks, and even some large ones, don't seem to count. There are also “stars” which, at least in most universes, are basically balls of fire and fuel, but they mostly don't count as real matter in magical terms. Of course in terms of science, they actually do count as matter, but are sill not counted as planets. In any case, in some magical systems, planets are thought of as a warped vision of an infinite plane, or a goodly realm, which is really flat but only appears as a circle. Similarity “stars” are similar or actual holes in a massive sphere surrounding the universe, or sometimes even spirits of the dead. It is sometimes hard to tell, without visiting or observing them close up, if this is literally true in exotic magical universes or if this is just a folk explanation.

The term “universe” is much more technical, but shares much of the same ideas as a “world”. The difference is scope and particulars. A “universe” can basically be described as a world that is physically closed, or in other words, there is no way to plot a path from it to another universe. A “plane” is similar accept that planes can “touch” in certain places and in certain conditions. When planes touch at a point, both planes share that point and things can pass between them. Alternate timelines can act this way, as well as planes that serve as an afterlife. Magically, universes are often travailed simply by a process of “connection” where if some aspect of a universe is shared with another, they are in theory connected, but this doesn't always works the way people might expect. Often only projection is possible this way, and limited projection at that. Planer travel works more directly, but if two universes shares a plane, it may be considered one universe by some schools of thought, but it is also thought that if universes to share planes moving though a plane to another universe doesn't count as directly moving from one to the other directly. A system of such indirect links can be known as a “multiverse”. Some schools of thought even discard the concept of planes and just use universes in it's place with a multiverse being like a universe. It usually simply depends on how easy it is to travel between different planes either people consider planes part of their universe or other universes all together.
All of these different types of worlds follow a hierarchy of sorts, from closer to farther, but this isn't a measure of distance so much as a measure of connection. Two planets for example can be quite different, but often follow the same physical and magical laws, unless something about the planet it's self alters those laws. Different planes however, don't often follow all same laws, but usually follow at least some of the same ones, or a general set of them that is slightly different in the details. Other universes don't have to follow the same laws at all, although they can, and there does seem to be a few that repeatedly crop up. For other multiverses, if such a term is applicable, all bets are off. But even then, there is usually one thing that connects everything. Well maybe two or three... it's hard to tell. But what I am talking about is “magic”.

About Reality, Science, Magic:

If there is one thing any true scholar of magic has to deal with eventually, it's the notions of what is real and what is not. Depending on how magic works or is thought to work in any given world, this may not seem like a problem. If all magic comes from a god, or from the planet, or such, people have at least one thing they can latch on to as real. But one might ask: Where does a gods power come from? Where did the planet's power come from? Then people might realize, that they don't really know for sure. This is probably the reason powerful magic users tend to go mad. At least on my world, it was a real possibility and even the sane ones could be... eccentric.

That is one reason why we are often taught, along with magic, philosophy and mental discipline. In order to resist the implications of a power that can change reality as if it were words on paper that can be erased or rewritten. The analogy is apt, because in some ways thats exactly what we are. Possibly in all ways. Of course that is not to say that nothing is ever real, just that it isn't that simple. There are many worlds where there is thought to be no magic. This isn't quite as it appears however. Magic can take many forms, even forms that appear at first glance to be pure science.

But first, I should explain exactly what “magic” and “science” are. Most people I think, have a general idea of what magic is. Magic is, basically, attempting to find the underlining force that controls reality to observe and manipulate it. Science is, in some ways, the complete opposite: Attempting to observe and manipulate things in order to find their underlining source. There is actually a fair bit of hostility between people who practice them despite the fact they are ultimately attempting almost the same thing. One wise may once said "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic”. The usefulness of one over the other is not really fixed. Sometimes, magic is more powerful, and sometimes science is. It all depends on how responsive this underlining source is to direct contact.

Sometimes, people can change reality just by thinking, and sometimes, they never can, except by using things already in their reality. The problem is, if you can change anything just by thinking, nothing really lasts or has substance. Things become unstable and fade or pop into existence only to vanish. Such is the world of human thoughts and dreams. On the other hand when you never can change anything, things become almost completely unable to be changed at all. No progress or real change is possible except by what already exists. In the worst case, time and matter don't really exist at all. There is just nothingness and no way anything can ever be. Luckily most worlds are between the two extremes. Things can change but not without effort.

In my personal experience with magic and other worlds, I came face to face with the possibility that I, and my world, were nothing more then a story written by a being from a “real world” beyond my grasp. It is a disturbing notion but an inevitable one for someone who bends reality and pushes the boundaries of knowledge. It was a possibility my magic training had long prepared me for though. Some people simply reject such a possibility. But such is just denial. I decided instead to look into it.

First, I have to acknowledge that, indeed, this “real world” in fact exists and indeed, I am part of something written about there. But does that mean that I don't have my own existence too? Killo, the one who's library I use for my research at least thinks a valid argument can be made that I exist at least as an idea, and there is no way to tell if that alone is not enough to exist. An interesting idea, but a little unsatisfactory. As an idea, I too may vanish as one who only exist in a mind or dream. However, Killo also thinks if we world to write down a record of my thoughts, this idea can become something a bit more real. This seems to be the way new worlds are born. The one called Muse seems to think so.

As Killo also points out, even in this “real world” there is a element of “magic” that seems intertwined with it. Besides the ideas which have trickled down into written word and other worlds, some seeming almost as real as this “real world”, such things such as the possible spotting of ghosts, strange spiritual beliefs, and even some elements of it's science such as quantum mechanics, point to a world that is at least somewhat unreal.

This “real world” may be simply the base of a world tree of ideas, branching upward and outward into worlds that while less real, still exist in their own way. However I wonder if Killo is making excuses for his own existence as much as mine. In any case, my thought must come from somewhere even if it is from someone's head (who, by the way, is also typing this document, so any topographical errors can be blamed on him). In any case, I have a headache from thinking about it, so I think I will drop this line of thought for now (though a figment getting a headache is interesting in it's self).

(If you got though all that, try clicking on the pictograph)

Jiggles Jumble

Not too long ago, I saw an old article about Daikatana, a game infamously regarded as one of the most disastrous game projects ever done. The long sorted story of it's creation and the backlash it received almost make it like a big budget and over-hyped movie that took forever to make and wasn't very good when it was done. So Star Wars Episode 1?

I don't know. Anyway, regardless of what film it was like, sometimes I fear my hack may end up in the same situation. I have worked on my hack off and on (mostly off) since 2007 and have actually done little more then dick around with ASM, most of the overworld, and some graphics. And like 5 levels. Only 3 of which are even near done. Of course it's not like I am the only one to take forever on hacks, but I am probably one of the few that is still working on one hack all this time. And the problem I have is basically the same problem Daikatana had. Too much ambition, not enough focus.

In Daikatana's case lack of focus could mostly be attributed to too many conflicting teams of people. For me it's more just attempting to go in all directions at once without really having much of a plan besides vague outlines. But the result is the same: Scattered fragments of ideas being developed more or less independently without much unity or utility in the grand scale. Also, just like Daikatana was John Romero's baby, my hack is mine. Regardless what happens I want to see it to the end.

But just in case, I wanted to explain my hack a bit. What it's about and what I want to do.

1. Background

The seed that would become The Adventures of Jiggles the Catgirl started out as “Super Duper Mario World” and was to be a fairly silly Super Mario World level hack without any story to speak of and probably little ASM or new graphics...

I guess I should explain what ASM is first for anyone who doesn't know. It's short for Assembly and is the most basic computer programing language there is... at least in the sense that it's the closest to what computers actually do. It's just one step removed from the raw string of bytes computers feed into their CPU. In fact, basically all a computer file is, is a long string of numbers, and all “ROMhacking” is is replacing parts of the long strings of numbers that make up a game ROM. Some of it is data, like graphics, sound, text, etc. And some is the program it runs. Thats where ASM comes in. Naturally, this makes ASM perfect for replacing parts of computer programs and altering them without having any kind of source code used to make them. I guess I could explain what ROMs are and how old SNES games can be copied from them and such but really, that's info for people to discover on their own. It's also sorta illegal to download them, but um... I own a cart... yeah thats the ticket!

Anyway, I decided after a while instead of doing a generic silly SMW hack (after all tons of them already existed and are being pumped out like crazy by people all over the world), I decided to do something different and totally change the whole theme and setting, as well as overload it with as much ASM as I could. I already had a character and story in mind for this new project: Jiggles.

2. The Advent of the Catgirl

Jiggles was a character that began in a series of loose role-playing sessions with someone I met online. A girl who goes simply by Maru. Now Maru rather likes anime (and so do I for the most part) and had ambitions of making her own online comic with a cast of wacky characters she had invented and developed over the course of many years. I ended up inventing the “character” of Killo Zapit chiefly so I could have a wacky foil to some of her more serious characters. Anyone who has seen me on IRC or elsewhere on the web probably has seen me act as Killo Zapit. Killo is a pervert, an idiot, and an annoyingly persistent pest, but he is a bit more then that too. Killo was invented for one reason: Although I am (in my own mind at least) a fairly deep and introspective thinker a lot of the time, I also tend to act like an idiot online (and sometimes off) just for kicks. Therefore I split the two sides of myself into Killo Zapit, the loudmouth smartass, and an often unseen other character who acts as a more logical and introspective thinker which I sometimes refer to as Tipaz Ollik although I have used that name as Killo Zapit as well. Killo became more and more over the top as time went on and evolved more into resembling a immortal and immoral hedonistic magical interdimensional being as time passed, and even used his power to make Killovania, a castle that floats between dimensions.

Jiggles herself was originally more of a side character. She was at first just a random catgirl Maru made to distract Killo. Unfortunately it worked a bit too well, if you know what I mean, and I decided to make her a permanent follower of Killo. She was originally innocent but very willing to let Killo do whatever he wanted with her, which was usually naughty. And I admit, she was used mostly as wish fulfillment at that stage. Although her name was at one point simply Kitty, the more cumbersome and provocative JigglePawBreast, a name I had basically used as a joke in IRC once, became her more official name. This was the name I used when I started a account on Gaia Online (which I never much did that much with besides games and some PMs). On Gaia, more of her character was freshed out and her appearance was finalized, as before it was only a very rough idea of a red-head pony-tailed girl with cat ears and a tail. Also on Gaia, some role-playing with other people via PMs developed her more, and was the source of her shortened name.

It was around this time I started roleplaying her with members of a ROMhacking site, and her character became less of a wish fulfilling ideal sex partner, and more of character with a very strong moral conviction and desire for friendship and real love. This was also about the time I decided to make her the focus of my hack. Anyway though a long LONG string of mostly unrelated roleplaying sessions with various people she started to really become, in my mind, a very interesting character. I had decided at some point that I would really put my heart into some of her ideals if only just to see how far her idealistic outlook could go, while I made Killo more and more of an antagonist, with a more direct “everyone is really out for themselves anyway” outlook. I attempted to make both sides have a point, even if Killo still was sort of an idiot, he was always a wise idiot.

At one point Jiggles decided she wasn't going to be taken as a sex object anymore and actually left when she felt people were not treating her fairly. This would have been a perfect set up for my hack, but things in the roleplaying sessions moved on. The thing that sort of made me really like Jiggles' character in those days is I managed to really get behind her speeches. I attempted to really take her idealistic and moral outlook seriously when playing her. She didn't just say something was wrong, she said why and how and exactly what she felt. If people accused her of being too naïve or hypocritical she took the accusation seriously and responded to it as bast she could. She didn't simply talk about the power of friendship, she explained why friends made people powerful. And a lot of people, even originally cynical people really seemed to respond to it.

Of course there is more to the story, and more back story that I want to get into, partly based on archetypes and psychology behind each character. And a good deal of the things in the roleplaying I did I probably will drop, but along the way I think I came up with a lot of things I want to explore and see done in a formal story. That said, I don't want to over-bloat the story either. My idea was to do a simple setup that becomes something much deeper during the end, however most of the dynamic of the roleplaying sessions I liked was special because of the characters and players involved and the other things happening behind the scenes. In the end, what I WANT to do, is a deconstruction and reconstruction of a fantasy at the same time. To make something that moves people the way some of the roleplaying moved me... but it's probably not possible to do it in the same way.

3. Gameplay and Gimmick

The basic idea I had was something like SMB2/DokiDokiPanic with more of a Super Mario Land 2 non-linear hub for a overworld map. But I ended up attempting to add a bunch of little ASM hacks which take a lot of time and effort without really planning how they will be used game-wise. One of the first things I did, even before starting on a hack, is make a health system like SMB2. It was a bit wonky but it worked, and people still use it all the time in hacks today. That was really the only thing I ever released officially. I have a few things that people might be interested in, like a basic inventory system that let's you store objects for later use, and a patch to expand saved games, but I always held off on releasing them. Sometimes other people would beat me with a version of their own of something I was working on, but that didn't bug me so much.

The thing is though, most of my patches were worked on a bit and never really matured, and while a number of them are neat, sometimes I wonder if they are really right for my hack. Like my inventory patch. It's cool and it works well, and I even have a shop and stuff for it, but it has very little use in the game right now. No levels really need it, the only items I made for it so far are versions of the normal SMW powerups, and if I am not careful it could make the game way too easy.

I also spend a lot of time working on things that work in SMW well enough but seem off to me, like bugs, or odd behaviors of objects, or such. One example is altering friction and how you slide on ice. Sure it's kinda cool to change but does it really make that much of an impact? I spent all day yesterday fiddling with how thrown objects work, and the day before messing around with swimming. I have completely changed how score and coins work and added a little shop where you could pick things up to buy them. Sure nice, but it's a little silly how many of my alterations are tiny things most people won't notice or won't care about.

4. Not Content with Content

I talked about this before in this blog, but I have to once again state I have no idea what I am doing with levels sometimes. Partly it's because I change the rules a lot, partly it's because I want to do a unusual style without having a firm grasp on what it is, but mostly it's because I am a lot more interested at this point in ASM and big gameplay changes.

In the realm of graphics I am better. The graphics for Jiggles herself is basically done, aside from the possible addition of extra forms and powers, The levels I did finish have some tile graphics that I am satisfied with, and I have a vast assortment of enemy, item, and other sprites ready to use. Music seems a sure thing. I don't have to look far for a huge collection of custom music and I ported quite a few songs myself. It's not as original as the graphics but it will do.

In the end, I still need more levels though more then anything. I have taken to asking people if I could use their old levels or if they could make some for me. In fact at least 2 levels I have aren't mine. But the problem is that using other people's levels means using other people's styles, some of which clash quite a lot with what I want to do. But we will see what happens.

5. Conclusion (Finally!)

As I see more and more hacks, the bar gets higher and higher. Like Daikatana I am afraid I may end op to little to late, and I still have about 80%-90% of the hack to go before I am done. Even if I had a few more levels, and debugged the hell out of my code, maybe a demo might be possible but there wouldn't be much special about it. I need to really get into gear and clean up or revamp everything if I even hope to do anything like what I want. Le sigh.