Monday, May 30, 2011

Building an Identity: Part 3

The girl looked around and blinked.

"Would you like something to put on?" said Killo thoughtfully.

She blushed and remembered she was still naked. Around her body a white nightgown formed. She looked up at Killo, who looked impressed.

"My my, you figured out how to do that very quickly eh?" he said and smiled. "I guess I did put a lot of magic and stuff into you. You seem to be surrounded by a chaotic magic field that you can use." He looked her over and said "You know you sort of look like that AI "Aura" with that outfit." Her hair suddenly became white and Killo laughed "I guess you think so too, maybe you should change your outfit then". The girl concentrated and turned her outfit green and her hair turned blond again. "wouldn't want to be caught for copyright infringement would we?" Killo said and winked.

"Umm... excuse me..." The girl said meekly.

"Hmm?" replied Killo looking at her intently.

"Whats my name?" She said.

Killo thought about this. He started trying to combine "robot" and "golem" to make some feminine name. Rogola? Gobota? But he didn't really like those. But a name was important. Things with a name were more... real so to speak then things without one. At last he said "I think you should choose one yourself. One will probably jump out at you, if not now later. Don't rush it though, it's your name, it should be something important."

The girl nodded, and thought for a while but couldn't think of anything. Killo was looking at her with a slightly odd look in his eyes and she knew that look. She knew all about Killo. She realized that they were connected, which is why she heard her voice in his head, though then they had been deeply connected and now he had went back a little. Without him there there was a change she would have gone crazy. Then again without him there she wouldn't exist in the first place. And she knew he sort of wanted her. But she also knew that there was more too it then that. Killo was a pervert, but he was not a forceful one. He wouldn't force her to love him, or even encourage it. But all that she was thinking might have been coming from him too. She snapped out of it.

"I would like to see how powerful you are if thats alright with you." Killo said.

She blinked. "You wish for me to test myself in combat?" she said. All that robot part of her seemed to come to the forefront in a moment. Combat. Not as a serious death duel but just as a game. That sounded... fun.

"If you are up for it." Killo said.

The girl's mind raced. She wasn't really made as a weapon, but much of her archetypes involved them. And she had data and essences that could be used for incredibly dangerous attacks. If she did this and this, and that too... She smiled with glee. "Yes please!".

Killo brought her to a open room padded with metal walls. This was the labs "boss room". Castlevania had them, places for big fights between Dracula's most powerful minions and his enemies that tried to storm the castle. Killo intended to keep up the tradition of sorts, only more as a game. He could assure no permanent harm came to anyone here, either heros or bosses. Normal monsters were not really alive anyway and would repopulate as soon as someone left the room.

But there was no boss in this room. This was of course because, the girl WAS the boss. Thats one of the reasons she was made, and this fact made her smile. This was HER room. She could of course choose not to work for Killo, and do anything she wanted. She know he would understand. But here and now, she wanted to see what she could do. She could feel power flowing though her. She knew like Magaman, she could turn her arm into a blaster. She could also turn it into a sword. Or anything she wanted. Her "Chaos Matter Field", the short range magical disturbance surrounding her could be manipulated to change her outer appearance or to summon some simple objects.

Killo left for a bit and in a while Jiggles came in. Killo didn't follow but both of them could tell he was watching them. The nameless girl looked at Jiggles and smiled. "Hello, Miss Jiggles. It is a pleasure to meet your acquittance. Are you here to fight me for today?"

Jiggles looked at her and smiled back. "Pleased to meet you too! I hope we can become friends... are you sure you want to fight? I know some people like it but..." Jiggles said trailing off neer the end.

"If you are worried about my safety, I assure you I am stronger then I appear. I also assure you this is just a fun contest, but I do request you take this seriously if that is all the same to you." Said the nameless girl. She knew Jiggles. She had been born with a good deal of Killo's knowledge. Jiggles was a good first sparing partner at least. Even if she hates violence, she appreciates sparring. To her, a battle isn't violence if both people enjoy it and agree not to hurt each other too much.

Jiggles smiled and said "Okay then... please be careful though... I like to fight as a contest but I don't like people getting hurt". She put up her arms and stood in a fighting stance.

'Okay', thought the nameless girl as she began to draw power and put her plan in motion, 'I need a good fast weapon'. She turned her hand into a buster cannon. 'Now,' she thought 'lets add some aspect she won't expect... The homing power of a witch essence... killo gave me some?... yes, okay.' She charged her weapon with the essence. 'Now maybe...'


The nameless girl landed across the room.

"S-Sorry..." said Jiggles looking concerned "Um... I didn't go to far did I? I saw your arm change and felt some magic and I..." Let it be said about Jiggles, that as girlie as she looks and as sweet as she acts, she is fast as hell and hits hard when she needs to. She is also experienced and knowledgeable enough about martial arts to be a deadly force of nature. The reason for this is simple. She is a Catgirl. An anime character. And a bit of a magical girl as well. Any magical anime Catgirl that can't beat up a martial artist 5 times their size would be given funny looks.

"I'm fine." Replied the nameless girl. To herself she thought 'I was overconfident. I should have decided what weapons to use and prepare the magic needed before the battle. Jiggles is to fast for me to mix magics in the middle of a encounter. I have to be faster. Still I should be quicker next time I try if I have a plan.' She stood, and said "Continue" and began to rabid fire witch shots from her blaster.

Jiggles of course could avoid most of the shots easily but thanks to the witch essence they could trace her in that air somewhat. But Jiggles was still to quick for most of them. A few would graze her. Then Jiggles fired back. With a cry of "Nekodoken" she made a familiar hand motion and a red fiery cat-like ball of fire sped to the nameless girl and causing her to widen her eyes.

"What WHAT! How did you get THAT! And I hit you a few times! You shouldn't be able to throw that without full energy! Does... Not... Compute!" The nameless girl yelled in shock. Seeing Jiggles confused look she facepalmed and said "Sorry, incorrect analysis. I was thinking of Mega Man X not street fighter."

"Um..." Jiggles replied hesitantly "I am not sure I know what you are talking about but... anyway why do you talk like a robot? Aren't you more like a.. um... magical... thingy, sort of like me?"

The nameless girl paused thoughtfully and replied "I was constructed to be based on a robot girl archetype and so have acquired speech patterns matching the sort that would likely be used by an example of that archetype." she paused "In addition... I think it's kinda fun." She said with a big grin. Jiggles looked at the nameless girl a bit odd but said nothing.

"Also I should inform you this distraction has been utilized in order to subtlety change my weaponry to shoot what could be described as 'big frigging homing missiles of death'. Have a nice day." The nameless girl smiled.


And suddenly they were everywhere. Jiggles rolled into a ball and rolled forward under the missiles. She zigged, she zagged, and explosions erupted all around her. The nameless girl kept firing, and Jiggles jumped into the air and fired her fireball down on her. She dodged. Jiggles dropped back into a roll and changed directions by springing off a wall and the many missiles that were trailing her impacted a wall, but the nameless girl was in front of her, firing more more. Jiggles used her blast to knock them away and jumped up the wall and the new missiles hit it again.

On and on the battle went and both started using more tricks. Jiggles wasn't at all armed to fight at a distance besides her one "Nekodoken" attack, but she was fast and hard to hit. Even so the nameless girl could use coving fire to keep away and was able to fire a lot faster. Jiggles could occasionally get in close and strike and even a few times guided the nameless girl's own missiles to explode nearby, and she got lucky shots in as well. It was a good match. In the end they both had some cuts and scrapes and were breathing hard when Killo appeared and clapped.

"I think thats enough for today. You both look like you enjoyed the work out eh?" Killo said smiling.

Jiggles huffed and puffed and said "I am getting kind of sleeeepy... this was a hard work out!" as she smiled.

"E-Energy reserves down to 20%" said the nameless girl as she panted.

"You made that up. Your just trying to sound robotic again." said killo mirthfuly

"P-perhaps" Said the nameless girl smiling sheepishly.

"Um... Do you want me to heal you up? You have a bad scrape there on your arm, sorry about that" Jiggles said concerned.

"Negative, I..." started the nameless girl and trailed off as she looked at the cut on her arm. She stopped and went white. "I... I am bleeding..." she stampeded.

Jiggles looked worried. "Oh no! Is it bad? I'll help you..." she said as she went over to use her healing kiss.

But the nameless girl stared transfixed "I-it's not that..." she said. "I-I Just realized... I am part machine, I am not really all alive... so what happens, if I die? Or get seriously hurt? You can't heal metal can you? Can machines actually heal? I have a brain and a computer chip. One is just bits of metal..."

"Don't worry about that. It doesn't matter. Your body is magical, besides... even if you were a robot it dosn't matter... because..." said Killo softly

The nameless girl remembered "Because I am imaginary after all... this this whole thing isn't real is it... it doesn't matter if I am metal or flesh... it's all a game..."

Jiggles frowned and said "That doesn't mean you don't exist! I am imaginary too. And even Killo in a way, but we think we feel... our feelings are real!"

Killo shrugged and added " who can say what is real? Words on a page are a kind of magic, existence in a story is still existence. Just remember to hang on to that one thing. That you are you. Your Identity. Thats all you need."

The nameless girl paused and stopped crying. "Identity..." She felt something. Killo could feel it too. "That's it. Thats what it will be." she said.

Jiggles however was not directly connected and didn't understand. "Huh?" She said confused.

"My name... I will name myself Identity."

Identity smiled.

Building an Identity: Part 2

...Power detected...
...InitialidsfjdjŘŔΎΞŚяѕ↕┼◊╩ഭഫ ഹ ỒỔ ẽ Ә Ӗ Ӯ I̢̛̱̩̘̝͇͇̮̐̎̋̉̇̔̀̈ ͬͬ̋ͬ̋̾̏͗ͤ̓ͦ̽ͣ҉̡̤̬̘͕̯̯̱̩͓̺͓̗́a̧͗̌ͯ̂ͧͭ͏͢͏͕̥͎͚͓̗͚̮̻m̨̛̗̜̦̖̹ͧͮͥ̈ͨ͗̎̓̓̈̚̕ ̴̴̨̛͕͕͉̤̟͎̳̱͖͍̠͇̙̏̏ͦ̑ͬͧ̀ͅͅC̯͙̥͎̠̺̻̝̊ͮ̃̂̀̿͌̄ͦͦ͗͛ͤ̈́͘͠ḫ̨̢̧̤̲̥̝̺͂ͣ̅ͦ̿̑̍͆̊̄͘ạ̸̡̧̛͈̺͈͕̙̤͈̯̝͔̟̍ͦ̆̋ͫ̑̄̒ͩ̄͞ȯ̸͒̉̒̐ͦ̋̃̓̿́͢͡͏̟̟̩̤̳s̶̡̨̲͍̳͍̞̹̤̤̤̩̭̗̞̙̗̲͎̠͑ͮ̋̌͆͑͌ͨ̓͘͝.͐̄ͯ̎ͧ͋̑͋͛͆ͪ̽ͨͭ̽ͯ̚͘҉̕͏̳͕͎͖͖̰̥͉̱̹̣̭̠̰ ̛̟͇̟͕͒͋̋́͟͠Į̧̤͖͊͛͊̐ͪͨͫ̌ͅ ̛͉̼͓̱̣̙͙̯̼͂͐ͮ̂̂̆̃ͤ̓͐͂ͧ̎͗ͣ̊͢͜͡a͊͊͑͂͑͊͂̋̋̀ͩ̾͑ͩ͏͙̣͔̙̳̤͔͔̟̗̲̣̮͔̜̜̣͡m̠͎͉͙̬͍̗̞͉̰͙̙̘̽ͧ́͒̈͋͒ͩ̀ͬ͞ ̵̸̡̟̹̟̭̳͉̲̩̤͎̝̩ͬ̍̐̒ͮ̓̆̾ͯ̉̍ͯ̋̍͑ͩͩ̀̚a̅͗͐ͦ̑ͮͥ̏͆̐̀͂͢͡҉͖̝̙͚̰̞̟̗̕l͓̱̝͍̰̲͎̗͓͔̙̱̲͍̅̆̓ͥ̍ͨͤ̏̐̑͋ͣ͂́i̡̛̟̰̲̝̝̰͕͕̣ͩͬ̌̃̈́͑̑̌̒̎̊̀͟v̢͎̣͈̝͉̜̹̱̫̽͒ͫ̿̌ͫ̓́̀̚ḙ̢̢̠̲͓̳̹̜̦̟͙̘̠̬͇͙̹̋̒̊͗̽ͩͥ̂͐ͫ̈́̉̑̈̉͛̆͢͟͠

Light. Darkness.

She opens her eyes.

A yell of triumph.

A voice asks "Can you hear me?"


"... Yes."

T̢o̸o͟ m͝uc͠h b͝ac̶k̶gr̀o҉u̶nd͡ ̶n̴ois͜e͡

Don't worry. don't worry, I'll help

"Can you sit up?"


S̡h̴e͡ ... I sit up

Good focus on something solid in your mind. You are you.

T͟he ̵v̕o̴i͡c͡es̡ of chaơs̸ s̨ing͜..̴.̀

"How are you feeling?"

"... I don't know"


... It's everywhere... C̶̦̣̦͓̝̦͇̐ͬ͑̄̎̀́͞h̵̶̩̙̦͈̻̭́̍ͦͥ̿́̿̈͛̄ͨͥ̂͐͐̋ͫ́ḁ̶̷̢̠̲̼̦̘̺̳̺̞͕̫͉̣͇̈́ͤ̾ͨ̿͑̉͛ȯ̴̶͕̬̞̻͛͐͛ͧ̌̍ͥͩ̃ͨͩͧ̎ͨͪ̂ͨͣ͞ś̸̸̟̟͕͖͍̬͈̣̄͑̑͋ͥ̋́ I can't understand it...

So r͝an̷do̷m̴ and strange.

Don't worry about it... It may seem like that but

I am a machine I need logic and order
I ͘am̵ ͢aliv̸e̵ I͜ n͡ȩe͢d҉ e̡mo̕ti̢o͢n̛ a̵nd ͜dr͝ive͏

Aren't we all? What is life but a machine of flesh?
W͡h͡a̶t͟ i҉s̵ ͏a͢ m͢a̢c̸h҉i͜n̵e͜ ̢bu͟t ̕or҉de̛red ̵chao̕s?̡

C̨h̶a͘os͟ can be ordered... mathematical
Order can b̕e d̀ìso͘r҉d́er̸ed͡,͝ ̶un͜p̨re̷d҉i̛cta͜bl̷e͝.̧

"Can you walk?"

"... Yes"

I get up. I walk slowly.

"Tell me, can you feel this?"

He rubs his hand across my body lightly touching my n̤i̶͖̺̹̥̭̦̬p̯̮͢p̷͇̭͈̰͈͑ͫ̇̽̇̽̚l͖̝ͧ͂ͮ̓̄̄e͇̺͓̭̤̹͗̿

O̡̻̫̖̮̥ͤ̋́̏ͯ̏ͪ̊ͨͣ͆̔̈́̎̒̀ḣ̢̢͈̜̮̜̞̤̹̤̯̰͓̜̅ͣͯ̂ͨͧ̈ͅ.͍̝̪̝̱̬̞͇̯̇ͥͪͧ͆̋̋͒ͥ͋̅̐̌ͧ̈́̅͠.̨̮͖̯͚͚͉̤̲̻̏̄͂͐̀̈́ͥ̾͗̓̓̂̀̿̽͂̓̐ͤ͘ ̤̣͓͔̣̮̮̜͚̗͉̳͙̺̝̍̇ͨ̈͜͞͡͝ͅT̴̶̛̻͍͈̖͈̭̝̪̻͆͐ͩ̂͑͒ͬ͊́̕h̸̐ͣ̅̓̀҉̢̰̬͖͇͘a̷̵̮̱͇̹̰̲̝̣̳̳̪̼͇̩͇͂ͮͨ̆͗ͤ̔̇̅͘͞ͅt̢͕̖̤̺̪̱̙̰̬͚̗̖ͩ̋̄̃ͦͧͮͤ̃̐͌̍͗̈͊̽̚͢ͅ.̵̰̬̰͙̬͔̻ͫ̈́ͭ͂ͤͪ̎̌̆͊̍̉͂̀͠.͊̑ͭ͐͑͛ͩ͟͡͏̡̰̖͚̮͎̻̜̜̬̻̦̬̳͖͖͘.̸̡̟̩͙͓̞̘̟̪͚̖̗̤̥͛̇̿̇ͪ̽͘͜!̷̨̢̗̯͈̦̋̅̎͛̎͊́ͮͧ̊ͥ̅͒ͬ̉̚͢

He stops.

"... Y-yes"

Wh͜a͏t ̛w̨a͠s t̶ha͝t̴?

"Good." It's okay, I just wanted to make sure. You can deal with this. I will help you.
I won't̕ den͠y͟ ͠a̛ ͜bit ̵of o͟th͢e͠r̵ in͡ter͏e̷s̷t̷ ͡thou̧g͘h̛.҉..͟But that's besides the point.

I-I am b͏l̛u̸sh̶i̴ng̨...

"Okay, the truth is like this... Chaos and Order are not actually opposites or even enemies, they are like two sides to the same coin" or maybe two ways of looking at the same thing "Look at fractals or chaos theory for example, ordered logical ways of looking at disordered things." A butterfly flaps his wings and all that rot. "So don't worry about it. Your no different form anyone else, born from Chaos, but seeking to order things in your mind" I say born from chaos but your body is ordered into a form and sparked with chaos. "Your still alive, or at least as alive as anything else can be here" It's complected but we..

C̨̧̄̆͑̍͌ͮ̇͂̚͜͏̤͎͖̗͖͖̹͖͉̲̤̘̻̹̜̲̫̮ͅh̶̛̘͎̝͓͉̪͎̲̱̪͇̻͎̱̟̏̃̑̾̿ͮ̐͂͜ä̴̛͚̝̗̞̞̠̘̺͎͌̆̇ͭ̃̊̔͛́̌ͭͫō̈ͬͥ̈̍̃ͧ̋̃̂ͣ̇̿͗҉̛̳̝̭̬̺̕͝s̶̛͓̻̬̲̞̳̹͎̠̝͒ͦͨ̃ͬ̽̓ͣ͂͂́ͮ͜͠ i̻̭̹͎̟͓͙͉͢ś̵̰͉̺͝ͅ pa̶ŗ̛҉t̨ ̨ơ̡f̡̢ th̡e͠ mac͘h́i̧ne, I see... I understand... I see the Loręn̸ź atţra͡c͜t̢o͘ŗ and I see the pattern. I see the f͠ra̶ct̷al and I see the over all shape. H̸̶͇̥̮̟̱̠̮͔̱͖̞͗̾ͪ̾̀͞e͂̓̏̑ͨ͆̈̐̽̇҉̢͚͍̪̺̲̭̤͚̩̪̞͡ comes when I call not when I don't. I am a machine. I am Chaos. I am alive.

...Initialization complete?

Building an Identity: Part 1

Killo Zapit was tinkering in what is know as the "Mad Science Laboratory" which was located somewhere near the upper halls in the front part of Killovania. Probably. Maybe. It was honestly hard to tell.

Killovania was after all rather strange when it came to time and space. It was after all really a reincarnation of sorts of the famous Castlevania, Dracula's former castle in another dimension which had been described as a "Creature of Chaos", which was, after all, why Killo was attracted to it in the first place. So Killo, after the castle's last final destruction in that dimension in 2035, had decided to find the last remnant of the chaotic realm portal which was flung away during the final desolation and sneak in to resurrect the castle for himself. Of course he only was able to make a offshoot version, a variant, but that was enough for his needs.

Things had changed slightly in Killo's version, either according to his design, or as a mirror of his mind. The "Inner Quarters" had morphed into the "Concubine's Quarters" where many of the succubi, the strange maids, and other female spirits made their home, ready to serve Killo's ... interests. Though this was also one of the more sane and homely parts of the castle and no actual strange activities went on there (as Killo usually sent them to his throne room for ... that stuff), so Jiggles and some others also had rooms there.

The chapel area was completely abandoned except for a few ghosts and such. Why Dracula even had one, with his apparent hatred of god, Killo never understood. It didn't look demonic or evil, and Dracula dealt with a lot of demonic and evil things, but the chapel always bugged him. He guessed it was that way because Dracula still believed in God in his own twisted way, even if he hated him. Killo had no use for gods of any sort. So the chapel became "The Abandoned Chapel", a dark derelict place, with broken stained glass windows and icons.

Jiggles found it sad in some way. It looked to her like a reminder of some faith someone had once had only to be thrown away. Why it even was there no one but Killo would know, and if he knew he wasn't telling. Jiggles wondered if it was there for a time where Killo would regain faith in something more besides himself. Jiggles secretly hoped so. She wasn't religious as such, but she did believe in faith. She would sometimes come down there to pray, not to any real god, but just to pray. She couldn't be sure, but she thought maybe, when she did, the room seemed less derelict and sad afterwards.

The old "Alchemy Laboratory" had been changed and modernized and looked sort of like a cross between it's old self, the "Devil's Laboratory" in the rebuilt castle cultist made in the universe that the original Castlevania was from, and a old "Frankenstein" movie set. This was of course the "Mad Science Laboratory", and where Killo was currently tinkering, working on a project he had begun when he had first created this lab.

The project was that of a magic construct, a sort of combination of a robot, a golem, a living doll, and maybe a tiny bit of a Frankenstein monster. For most the very idea would speak of science gone mad, and man's hubris to create like a god. Killo of course scoffed at gods, and he wasn't exactly a man anyway. Besides, to Killo man's hubris was not in creation, after all man does that all the time. Man creates art, creates stories, creates crafts, and even indirectly creates the next generation of man. No man's hubris was, to Killo, thinking they could control it, thinking it was somehow theirs, and this hubris was extended to gods as well. Killo didn't intend to control his creation, only perhaps to guide it at best. Killo created for the joy of creation and the interest of watching the results.

Besides he had done it before, of a sort. Both Jiggles and her older "sister" were created in a similar way, but they had different archetypes and were made up of different things. Jiggles was, more or less, a cloned body given a part of Killo's "soul" and with an imprinted archetype, while her "sister" known as Blacky was actually made entirely with magic, gaining substance of a sort after. This project though was more creating a shell body out of mostly inorganic materials and powered and animated with magic. Not that it really matters though. The biggest real difference is that both Blacky and Jiggles were "cat-like" beings, Blacky resembling more a real cat, and Jiggles resembling more a anime-style cat-girl. This project however would be more robot/android-like, or perhaps golem-like, both in materials used, and in the archetypes it draws from.

It's not that how you make a construct is irrelevant, but archetypes are usually more important, especially for personality. An archetype could be in terms of personality thought of as a mental role model, or more likely, a collection of role models. But the magic also flows to make the body more like the role model, giving them similar powers and weaknesses. It is the construct really that decides most of the time, but it needs choices to decide from, and of course, if it's put into a body already quite similar to an ideal expression of it's form, it will tend to match that.

The body Killo was designing was that of a youngish girl. Of course. It had a metal skeleton-like robotic frame, a carved wooden and plastic doll-like exterior, padded with clay in some places, and covered with organic skin. In the robotic brain case was a electronic cpu of some sort wired with fleshy brain bits as well as other electronics. Some of the muscles and organs were fleshy as well, and the... sensitive parts were quite fleshy. One might marvel at the craftsmanship or be horrified with the use of what seems like human body parts, but both would be unfounded reactions for one very important reason: Killo cheated to make it.

[Exposition Dump Begin]

Killovania only came to be because Killo gave up a small part of himself to do it, although really gave up isn't quite the right term because Killo didn't really lose anything, as he can just multiply himself almost effortlessly. Anyway, that meant Killovania was not only his, but in fact, almost part of him. And since it was rejected from the timeline of the, as Killo would say, "canon" Castlevania universe, it was in effect, outside of any particular universe as much as Killo is. Witch basically means, Killo makes all the rules in it. Hence Killo can craft things simply by his will.

Of course it's not quite as easy as poof and anything he wants is there, because, as a general rule of magic, the greater disturbance to the status quo something is, the less "real" it is. Things popping out of nowhere tend to devolve quickly into nothing. The easiest way to get around that is to get raw materials and simply transmute them into something else. Another way is prototyping, taking a raw chaotic form of matter and exposing it to a "form" witch, like a material archetype, causes the chaos to tend to transform into a copy of it. There are other tricks too. Killo has learned most of them.

Also he obtained one inherent to becoming the lord of the castle, the control of the "souls" of all the monsters there. Really though calling them souls is not quite accurate though. A soul is a living thing, a consciousness. It changes and grows. But the souls of the monsters bound to the castle lost that part ages ago. What remains behind is more what Killo calls "essence", which is like it's archetype of sorts, but more specific. It's all the information that makes a thing a thing, so to speak. Monsters form and are destroyed and form again out of this essence, and they become the servant of the master of the castle. But it can also be used to call upon the abilities of the monster, and as a powerful form of prototyping.

But, even with all this, anything made with these techniques (besides maybe a existing material object form outside enchanted with something else) can not be trusted to work outside of Killovania it's self. It might work, it might vanish, it might fall apart, it might explode. Killo can sneak into other universes sometimes, mostly because he projects himself, either as a bodiless entity who watches from afar, or in a body that is half illusion and half real. If he focuses on an object he might be able to get it to manifest there, but he isn't very good at focus in any case. But things with a soul, they can be projected in the same way. Any thing with a soul here could be said to have a soul on the outside as well. You couldn't of course actually use this for much if you were a pan-dimensional evil conquer since it involves way to much to do in large numbers, but for Killo he just wanted to experiment.

[Exposition Dump End]

When Killo finished the shell, it was a mess. It was really a pile of material, much of it disconnected and piled on in layers that didn't make sense. The robotic skeleton was the most actively functional part, and it probably would have turned on if it had a power supply but wouldn't have moved because it's cpu only had a few very basic instructions and no real function besides to wait for input from the fleshy brain bits which were wired up but not really alive and showed no activity. The skeleton was really covered by a wood and plasic shell which was fixed with mud and had flesh on top and if it moved it would have all probably cracked and slid off. Outwardly it looked like a naked young girl with blond hair, but if you looked close you noticed overlaps and sloppy gaps in the skin in places. And it probably stunk a bit too.

This would change of course. Golems were made of simple inflexible clay after all, the magic changes them, it would change this girl. The magic began by taking the souls/essences of many suitably appropriate monsters into her. There were all sorts. Golems of course, both clay and iron had there essence. And of course those of some of those enchanted cursed dolls. There were even a few types of robots hanging around, and they had essence as much as anything else, so he added some. Some types of Angels too just for kicks, which yet again were odd to find in Draclua's former castle, but there were some. Witches too. Maybe Succubi and some of those maids. And those plant ladies, he had one in his gardens, they were nice. Maybe this and that.

He also decided to upload some stuff into the memory in her brain. Some copies of some games, like Mega Man X and it's sequels. Hell, Most of the Mega Man series. Sonic Battle had a interesting robot character too. That Astroboy GBA game? Sure. He stuffed a hard drive full of other robot related stuff in her head. After all, "data" and "essence" are about the same. He was a modern guy after all. He looked around shifty eyed and said to no one "These are all back up copies of course... I own the carts honest". There are some forces even HE was scared of after all. Or maybe he just thought it was funny.

Next he reached into his own chest and pulled out a bit of his own essence. This was of course, completely painless. He reached though her chest and placed it inside without disturbing anything. This would be her "heart" and power source. A part of his being that would always connect them. Each of his creations had a bit, after all, how else were you going to create something? You couldn't just will life into existence ya know. Well you could, but that will would be a part of yourself. Souls are easy to divide, but almost impossible to construct form scratch. With a robotic element it MIGHT be possible to make an AI, but real intelligent living AI's needed either far more programing skill then anyone had, a long time for simple genetic programing to develop the right complexity, or perhaps an extremely lucky break. And for an AI, while developing a full soul is possible, Killo was sure it would take a lot more tech then he had at the moment.

Anyway now came the last step, to pump her full of magical energy and let it change her. And since this WAS the mad science lab, he was going to do it in the mad science way. He pulled a level and the table rose up, while up above a thunder storm was raging, called by Killo's control over this place. Millions of metal boxes with electric tubes, dials, readouts, and other devices beeped and sparked, as Killo adjusted some random instruments. They were random too. Most of this equipment was just for show. "Live! Make my creation live!" Shouted Killo as he cackled madly. Killo was actually quite proud of his evil laugh. It was fun to laugh like this once and a while.

Lightning stuck.
The robotic frame drew power from it, turned on, and began to overload.
The wood seemed to spark and catch fire.
The dry mud blasted apart.
The flesh began to melt.
The essences and the heart Killo put there fed on the raw elemental energy.
Things started to change.

The robotic frame's circuits fused together in strange ways with the surrounding material.
The wood's fire glowed green or blue and changed rather then consume.
The mud became liquid and filled the gaps and expanded inside.
The flesh melted into the mud and changed it to be like flesh too.
The magical essence mixed into everything.
The Heart glowed and spread magic throughout the whole body.

There was a moment of flux where everything became charged with magic and glowed brightly. A moment of perfect chaos. Killo whispered to it in thought in a language without words:

"Chaos is Life. You are Chaos. You are alive. After a fashion anyway.”

“Become life, I have forged your body. Become Life I will share our souls. Become life and I will guide you.”

“Pretty please with a cherry on top?”

The light exploded for a moment then faded.
The table was lowered again.

The girl opened her eyes.


Monday, May 23, 2011

Chaos Cosmology

For the past few days I have been reading Thousand_Shinji and it's sidestory/sequel. In many ways it resembles Shinji and Warhammer40k that I read a while ago, but with generally less focus on interesting metaphysical stuff and including more stuff from Warhammer 40k of which the fanfic I read before, despite having it in the name, really doesn't have much to do with besides a few reffrences and ideas.

Thousand Shinji is also a lot darker and violent then Shinji and Warhammer40k in a lot of ways, and while Shinji and Warhammer40k has it's main character more or less care deeply for humanity and strive to be good while occasionally doing monstrous things but refusing to become some sort of god or use his friends as tools, Thousand Shinji's main character is more or less the opposite, being a sociopath who makes it a point to look at people as tools and scum who slowly begins to actually care about his friends and embraces godhood when given the chance.

And while Thousand Shinji is interesting, it's really it's sequel (which is almost more a side story) where the main characters are gods which are beginning to mass their forces and exploring across multible alternate universes based on different TV shows, anime, and other media that I want to comment on mostly, though my comments have to do with the first too.

Really I have three main complaints. The first is that especially in the sequel, and in Shinji and Warhammer40k, or even Warhammer40k in general, there is the kind of silly build up of powers. A kind of thing where all the multiverse is out to get you with these incredibly strong god-like beings who are fought using equally strong god like beings, and armies spanning galaxies, and so on. There is a need to justify brutal war machines and terrible weapons of unimagined power because it's "necessary". With the whole multiverse thing it gets even worse as there are untold many of other universes with beings that can swat even the most powerful of their forces if annoyed.

The second is related to the first in that the sequel tries to, as many stories involving this sort of thing do, make some sort of grand organization or map to every reality. The problem with both is, at least for me, how utterly small and silly it all is. If each work of fiction was included, the size of the whole structure would be so massive that any possible army or being in any one universe is utterly unable to actually do much of anything by force. But more importantly, when you start to develop a cosmology and creation story you run up to all sorts of contradictions and retcons and different ways to do the same thing in other works of fiction. You can't just make up some cosmology when dealing with things because that cosmology just becomes one of many floating around in the literary pool of such things.

And the thing that they never even hint at, and I surely wish stories like this would more often, is that on the whole no matter how utterly powerful a entity or group is, it doesn't matter. Because they are still operating on the incorrect assumption that power matters. I could just point out "their fictional", but that's only half what I am getting at. In a multiverse where each universe has subtlety different rules, gods, powers, energies, whatever, isn't the most powerful being the one who figures out the metaphysical truth that ties them together the most powerful one? Or better yet creates that truth. But do any but a scarce handful of dimension hopping crossover stories actually bother to bring this up? No.

Which is the frustrating bit because all the pieces are there in the story. And maybe they were working to it as some grand final plot twist, but I doubt it and I won't know because there is not and will never be a ending. Some one wrote a alternate version of the sequel seemingly because they weren't happy with the way the "heros" are always found more or less right even if they are monsters, but I never read it so I don't know if that's part of it.

But that's how I would end it, as the new gods of chaos seeing how silly their war is, because all they really need to do is this: Make a new universe. It's easy to do. Just write a new story. The story they want to write. A Universe without evil beings from the darkest depths, not without struggle, or without pain, but without gods or demons or horrors. One that was not part of a multiverse created with these things.

Which brings me to my last complaint. The heroes call themselves Chaos Gods, as do the Warhammer40k gods. And I am sick of chaos being a crazy violent force. One that if not wholly evil, is at least not good or nice. I almost want to write my own self-insert fic with Killo just so he can scold him over that (and the silliness above). I mean, actually I mostly think of Killo in a lot of the same ways, as a mostly a moral almost god-like being who is smarter and more "noble" then he lets on. The difference is Killo is very slow to anger and doesn't particularly enjoy violence, and really doesn't see the point of it. Killo would not make some sort of empire or pass himself off as a god, because he looks down on empires and gods, not because they are inherently tyrannical, but because they are part of a stupid, useless, game. One that's not even very fun. Killo is ultimately only interested in himself, but he knows other people can make him happy, or at least entertain him. And even with the point that order is ultimately part of chaos, which was made often in the story, Killo would point out order can be preserved just as much in individuality as it can in a collective. I guess in short, Killo's Chaos is more like the brush strokes of an artist, the growth of a tangling vine, a fractal iteration function, and most potently, the human soul. Something that seeks to create, to grow, and will only destroy if something gets in it's way. It's life. It's existence. Crazy violent maniacs who shout and holler for the sake of shouting and hollering or gods who raise massive armies and fight tooth and nail for some silly ideal, both are just expressions of it not the end result. You can't make people follow chaos because they already are following chaos. You think they are wrong for doing things a particular way, so be it. But don't you use chaos as a justification for a moral philosophy and even less for a empire. If you understood chaos you would know how ridiculously stupid that is.

Sorry I guess that last bit started into a speech.

Monday, May 9, 2011

I think I kenophobia

The other day I was watching a video of someone playing though LSD and slowly flipping the fuck out and attempting to figure out why the game scares him so much. As it turns out, there is a phobia called kenophobia that pretty much describes what he is talking about.

And I think I may have it as well. As I described in a comment to that video, one thing that always bugs me is looking strait up into the sky, particularity a clear sky, and especially a pure black night sky. Another thing that freaks me out is in games when you find yourself outside the map either though cheating or a bug. Because there is nothing there.

It's particularity bad in Doom and it's clones because rather then simply blackness, parts of the screen are simply not updated causing a rather disconcerting visual effect.

The effect is best described in a passage from the short story "—And He Built a Crooked House":

"Teal lifted the blind a few inches. He saw nothing, and raised it a little
more.still nothing. Slowly he raised it until the window was fully
exposed. They gazed out at nothing.

Nothing, nothing at all. What color is nothing? Don't be silly! What shape
is it? Shape is an attribute of something. It had neither depth nor form.
It had not even blackness. It was nothing."

Okay so visually it really actually looks more like when two mirrors face each other, but it's still creepy.

Anyway this was kind of the point behind this post I made a while ago. Because the entire notion of "Nirvana" seriously creeps me the fuck out. I suppose the fear of nonexistence is also the reason so many religions offer some kind of afterlife, but Buddhism is one of the few that says basically that the afterlife is a bad thing in the end. It runs contrary to a lot of my philosophical beliefs. I am a firm believer in some kind of Horror Vacui though not of a traditional kind. Without getting too deep into it, I think the reason things work the way they do is because everything has a inner need to prove that they exist, and do so by interacting with other things. Existence is something that is everything wants in some form or another.

So, I sort of think this fear of nothingness is a natural and instinctual part of existence. Hearing that this is thought as an actual phobia doesn't necessarily mean it isn't natural (after all I am pretty sure a lot of phobias make sense in there own way), but it does make me wonder if I always had similar fears and if it influenced my philosophy or if it was the other way around. I also have to acknowledge that some people express contrary opinions, and even kill themselves. I could dismiss it as seeking a kind of power over their own existence rather then actively seeking to not exist, and maybe thats what it is, but there still is room for doubt. And really doubt is a good thing to me. It lets me question things in new ways and come up with ever stronger ideas.

Well I certainly don't have a fear of obsessing over silly details anyway.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

ROM Slacker

I think it's about time I game a hack progress report. After three going on four years, my hack project still hasn't progressed past some basic ASM and graphic work. And while I sort of like the work I have done on it so far the last time I think I made any significant progress on my hack was over a year or two ago.

This may change soon. Not to drag my life to much into it, but I am in the process of re-obtaining some equipment which may help me sleep significantly better, although last time I had it I was unable to get used to using it for the required time to satisfy my medical insurance. I could have gone to the sleep clinic again right away but I decided to instead see if I could fix some allergy problems which I felt may be the cause of my struggles with the machine, and also a more pressing matter over all. But, although I think my allergy problems are perhaps slightly better, they are not improving as much as I like, so I decided to go back to the sleep center, and after a bit of hassle, I am approved for a new machine. This MAY help. I am honestly not expecting that much from it. Last time I felt a lot better over all when using it, allergies included, but it's terribly hard to get used to, and I think my allergies may have made a lot of pressure build up. But really, any little bit helps, and if I can stick too it, may feel a whole lot better.

But really, I don't expect it to help my hacking all that much. Even when I am more or less fully awake, I just can't really get in the frame of mind for doing work. I can sit in front of a screen and look at code, but I often box my self into a corner and get frustrated or just don't want to bother doing something hard. Basically everything I do is the easy stuff, but now there is no real easy stuff left I can do without tackling the hard stuff. Level design is even worse because I can't seem to get into a real groove where I know what I want to do with a level all that often. There are times when I have, but they are extremely rare, and I usually just look at the screen utterly lost in what kind of thing I should do. I guess I could start pasting things randomly in the level and working out the details, which is exactly how I designed the OW map, but that kind of level design doesn't really fit the linear gameplay-centric style of Mario-style levels. A lot of my designs I have done have been almost exclusively based on aesthetics and not gameplay, and I am still not exactly sure what kind of gameplay I really want.

Perhaps I should take after some things Homestuck has done and have everything be completely focused on narrative with small game segments to allow the player to get a feel for the world instead of my original plan of having 80%-90% of the game almost entirely plotless. After seeing things that Homestuck has done, I am very tempted to do just that. But I don't really want to do that because I have seen romhacks that had heavy narrative focus, and I hated them. Maybe it was more the way the narrative and gameplay got in the way of each other rather then flowing together as one. And even before I got into Homestuck I was already thinking of things like throwing in overhead RPG segments with RPG boss battles, and other very odd subversions of the expected formula for Mario hacks. At first I thought such things would be pipe dreams, but there are tons and tons of patches and more coming every day that may make even my most crazy ideas fairly easy. I kind of wanted at first to use primarily my own asm, but most of the things I really wanted to do ended up being done by other people. There are still a whole bunch of things that would be tricky to do, like Homestuck's elaborate [s] animations, but even that is not impossible, as things like MPU-1 or even a series of stim images can work almost as well. The problem would be doing the art. If you couldn't tell from my pictographs, I kinda suck at art. But I am better at pixel art I guess.

Either way, I long ago set a deadline for myself for this project. That deadline is December 21, 2012. I thought it was a fitting date for a reevaluation of my life either way. And thats only about a year and a half away. Now a lot can happen in that time, and if I really make progress on my hack, I will continue it until it's done regardless.

If not well, there are a few other things I want to work on some day as well. Before I got into romhacking, I was working a bit on a metroidvania game about magical girls and H.P Lovecraft. Yeah, what a combination eh? And despite what you may think I promise I was not going to involve naughty tentacles ... that much. Regardless I still sort of like the idea, and I still have the old techdemo I wrote for verge with it in mind.

I also still have thoughts about doing something with zdoom (which I already wrote about a while ago) One of the people I hang around with on the net sometimes has gotten into zdoom stuff lately, and we both had a similar idea to do a sort of Yume Nikki or L.S.D. Dream Emulator inspired surreal horror thing with it. However I am unable to get Doom Builder to work on linux (though wine or virtual box) and he is very new to level editing and stuff. I think if I am unable to get myself to work on my hack in the near future I may end up working on one of these two things instead. I have tried to avoid any other project that would distract from my hack too much, but at this point I don't think it matters.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Entertainment Tomorrow

I am sure anyone who bothers to read this blog has noticed I fixate mostly on games, and occasionally other forms of entertainment. A lot of my political views and such are also related to things like copyright and consumerism. So I want to take this time to sit down and share some of my views on the subject:

Why entertainment is important:

Entertainment in some form or another has been a important part of human civilization for almost as log as it existed. People may not thing the entertainment industry is a big deal, but if you think about how much time and money is spent by people on entertainment, and how passionately people follow this stuff, you may change your mind. Who tend to be the famous celebrities that most people recognize? Actors, musicians, sports athletes, writers, etc. All entertainers in some form. Sure powerful leaders may have the same fame, and a handful of inventors and scientists, but there are still tons of people who don't do much but entertain.

Along with that, I feel it's very possible that as science and progress grew and religion seemed more and more silly by a lot of people, fiction started to replace myth, and fandom started to replace old religious practices. Where before myths of spirits and gods motivated people to do strange rituals in the woods by the full moon, now fans start elaborate little cults to worship their favorite show, with rituals such as conventions and dressing yup as there favorite character. I am sure a whole essay can and has been written on that subject, and I probably mentioned it before, so I will say no more, except that entertainment is no longer entertainment to most people.

The difference between entertainment and art:

Entertainment by it's self doesn't have a much grander goal then giving a person a way of occupying time without doing actual work. And in fact the reason entertainment even exists is because when building early civilization mankind suddenly started to need to work less and less, and had more free time for which to do things. Entertainment is often treated as an alternative to work, but that's not it's function.

I have said before that "art is about invoking an experience or idea though different mediums. It is an act of reflection of experience or ideas". Perhaps it would be better to narrow that definition a bit, at least in this case. Art also probably was mostly invented to fill a gap, and that gap was meaning. At the same time entertainment started to emerge, art did to. This time the question was not so much "what should I do with my time" as it was "what does what I do what my time mean". By coming up with ideas of beauty and other things, and trying to express those ideas some way, art attempts to come up with a meaning that people can connect to, a drive to do things. I could go on and speculate that science, religion, philosophy, and other things are all also related to this revolution of free time, but thats besides the point.

The point is, entertainment and art are not the same thing yes, but they are deeply connected in a very fundamental way and come from the same root source, that human civilization has long since stopped being driven simply by survival. Thats simply not enough for us anymore.

Why entertainment might not be enough either:

Entertainment is a necessary thing to have of course. Even pets to be taken care of need more then just food, water, and a place to poo. Playing is an important part of a pets life. However few I think would dispute that humans can't be satisfied with such a simple life. Humans need meaning. Humans need art. Or do they? How much on TV and in films can you truly say give you a concept of meaning? Probably more then you might think, but there is a lot of "mindless entertainment" out there that is little more then the equivalent of jigging keys at a baby. Not that that is bad really, it just serves a different function.

Werther or not humans need art or entertainment, probably just depends on the person. If a person has no personal need for meaning, ether because they already came up with a meaning for what they do, or if they simply aren't introspective enough to care, art becomes mostly pointless. We could go into a whole discussion on if people should strive to find meaning or not, but that's not really relevant right now, even though in general, I would say yes.

But even discounting art, the same entertainment can get old and stale. Entertainment is constantly being driven by a need for more. More movies, more music, more games, more books, more everything. And most of it is pretty bad, but it's still worth it to people to do more. But just more of the same isn't enough for people I think, we also want something new, something to innovate and to inspire. If we didn't we would just be satisfied playing pretend with rocks like a small child.

Why the way we entertain ourselves should change:

The thing is, something new and innovative is exactly what the entertainment industry bad at, and they seem to often be even worse at doing art at times. The industry is run in the name of profit not in the name of entertainment or art. It likes safe investments, predictable trends, sequels, genres, and doesn't really care about how good the product is as long as it sells well, and will often meddle in it's own product to get a few extra sales.

Furthermore, entertainment has become way too expensive and addicting. We no longer seem to use it to enrich our lives, but instead let it control our lives. I do think fiction of various forms such as games and films are valuable besides their entertainment value, for artistic merit, or for the spread of cultural memes, but I don't think all our time and money should be spent on them either.

The real problem I guess, is that we live in a culture where entertainment is a big and binding thing, something people flock to in droves and use to define who they are as much as their political or religious beliefs. And the industry pumps more and more money into bigger and bigger things, without really delivering much substance or innovation. Entertainment is to most people no longer something people can do on their own within a reasonable budget.

Things that may help:

First, one thing that is happening already is a number of people are moving away from big budget industry entertainment. People in the "indie" crowd for various media are growing stronger, and entertaining things can be found online for free which are growing in popularity. The internet is full of ways to entertain yourself for nothing or almost nothing. Cell phones often come with free or low cost games, music and other options. The biggest problem is that as these alternate entertainment venues become more popular, the industry will try to get in on it. This has already started to happen on the internet as more and more things become commercial or copied by bigger budget cooperations. Even free ones are often plagued with advertisement and other meddling. In the end, unless we don't stop this trend, we will have changed the medium but not the problem.

There is one way we can attack the industry at it's core, and that is by reforming (or even ignoring) copyright laws. Copyright laws were created to give people an incentive to innovate by guaranteeing a brief time where you could produce the work without competitors. The problem is, that brief time was extended again and again and is used more as a way of controlling something and forcing others to do things the way you want to do it then protecting innovation. If copyright was extremely reduced or demolished, the industry would no longer have an excuse to profit on entertainment as much. Would this mean that no entertainment would be created? No not at all. There are plenty of people who are still willing to create, and plenty of people still willing to donate to have things made. It would simply mean the end of the massive bloated monster that todays entertainment has become.

But really, when it comes right down to it, people don't need to change or break any laws, all they need to do is become more proactive and more choosy about how they entertain yourself. Do you really need to see that new blockbuster movie, get that new album, or play that new game? Can't you write or draw or something? Can't you browse the internet for free things to do? Can't you try dreaming up something, or going somewhere with friends? And I am not saying never spend money or anything either, I am just saying, let's choose how we entertain ourselves more carefully.

Really I guess most people are totally content with the way things are now, but this is just how I feel about it.