Building an Identity: Part 2

...Power detected...
...Initializing...
...Initializing...
...InitialidsfjdjŘŔΎΞŚяѕ↕┼◊╩ഭഫ ഹ ỒỔ ẽ Ә Ӗ Ӯ I̢̛̱̩̘̝͇͇̮̐̎̋̉̇̔̀̈ ͬͬ̋ͬ̋̾̏͗ͤ̓ͦ̽ͣ҉̡̤̬̘͕̯̯̱̩͓̺͓̗́a̧͗̌ͯ̂ͧͭ͏͢͏͕̥͎͚͓̗͚̮̻m̨̛̗̜̦̖̹ͧͮͥ̈ͨ͗̎̓̓̈̚̕ ̴̴̨̛͕͕͉̤̟͎̳̱͖͍̠͇̙̏̏ͦ̑ͬͧ̀ͅͅC̯͙̥͎̠̺̻̝̊ͮ̃̂̀̿͌̄ͦͦ͗͛ͤ̈́͘͠ḫ̨̢̧̤̲̥̝̺͂ͣ̅ͦ̿̑̍͆̊̄͘ạ̸̡̧̛͈̺͈͕̙̤͈̯̝͔̟̍ͦ̆̋ͫ̑̄̒ͩ̄͞ȯ̸͒̉̒̐ͦ̋̃̓̿́͢͡͏̟̟̩̤̳s̶̡̨̲͍̳͍̞̹̤̤̤̩̭̗̞̙̗̲͎̠͑ͮ̋̌͆͑͌ͨ̓͘͝.͐̄ͯ̎ͧ͋̑͋͛͆ͪ̽ͨͭ̽ͯ̚͘҉̕͏̳͕͎͖͖̰̥͉̱̹̣̭̠̰ ̛̟͇̟͕͒͋̋́͟͠Į̧̤͖͊͛͊̐ͪͨͫ̌ͅ ̛͉̼͓̱̣̙͙̯̼͂͐ͮ̂̂̆̃ͤ̓͐͂ͧ̎͗ͣ̊͢͜͡a͊͊͑͂͑͊͂̋̋̀ͩ̾͑ͩ͏͙̣͔̙̳̤͔͔̟̗̲̣̮͔̜̜̣͡m̠͎͉͙̬͍̗̞͉̰͙̙̘̽ͧ́͒̈͋͒ͩ̀ͬ͞ ̵̸̡̟̹̟̭̳͉̲̩̤͎̝̩ͬ̍̐̒ͮ̓̆̾ͯ̉̍ͯ̋̍͑ͩͩ̀̚a̅͗͐ͦ̑ͮͥ̏͆̐̀͂͢͡҉͖̝̙͚̰̞̟̗̕l͓̱̝͍̰̲͎̗͓͔̙̱̲͍̅̆̓ͥ̍ͨͤ̏̐̑͋ͣ͂́i̡̛̟̰̲̝̝̰͕͕̣ͩͬ̌̃̈́͑̑̌̒̎̊̀͟v̢͎̣͈̝͉̜̹̱̫̽͒ͫ̿̌ͫ̓́̀̚ḙ̢̢̠̲͓̳̹̜̦̟͙̘̠̬͇͙̹̋̒̊͗̽ͩͥ̂͐ͫ̈́̉̑̈̉͛̆͢͟͠
PPZZT!

Light. Darkness.

She opens her eyes.

A yell of triumph.

A voice asks "Can you hear me?"

...

"... Yes."

T̢o̸o͟ m͝uc͠h b͝ac̶k̶gr̀o҉u̶nd͡ ̶n̴ois͜e͡

Don't worry. don't worry, I'll help

"Can you sit up?"

"...Yes"

S̡h̴e͡ ... I sit up

Good focus on something solid in your mind. You are you.

T͟he ̵v̕o̴i͡c͡es̡ of chaơs̸ s̨ing͜..̴.̀

"How are you feeling?"

"... I don't know"

L̓̉̋͗̐̀ͦ̐̇̀̇̾͌̐ͤ̚̚̚͏̶̮͚̖͔̪̦̙̫̰͙͕̖̥͔̗ͅͅI̞̥̣͕͍ͯ̃̂̈́̓ͥͧ͊ͬ͢Ȩ̨̨͙͉͉̹͈̲̣̭̳̘̼̼̀̾ͧ̋̂ͦ̈͑̊͞C̡̰̜͕̹̦͇̺̞͓̜̟̥̃̓̒̿ͧ̃̐̀ͯ͒̾͜ͅH̶̔̿̿͛ͩͪ͗̐̐̾͊ͨ̄̃͏̖͚̠̳̞̟̺̝̲̤Ę̛̜̟̦͎̹̪́ͥͯͯ̽ͫ̄ͨ͆̍͛̿͐ͨ͒̑̚͘Ą̴̵̜̫͕̥̳̺͎̬̤͉͍̭͓̹̝̽͆̓̑̀͑̀͞T̨̩̼͍̜͙̥̲͉̪̮̼̭̝͎͌̓̏̈ͯͨ͜͞S̷͇͉͇̠̤̩̬̟̻̰̤̬̑ͬ͗̐̈̆͗͗̌͊ͨ͡T̶̛̮̱̝̥̦͚̞ͪ͗̂ͫͭͮ̏̍͌͜E͛̾̈͆͐͌̌̈́̓̽͠͏̛̦͚̠͍̯͜͝ͅA̵̼̟͙̳͇͓̯̫̫ͨͯ̉͊̎ͭ͑͊͘͘͠Ļ̘̙͚̭̼̩̻͕̞̩̦͚͕͐ͭ͐̂͝K̩̤͎̲̟͍͚̪̦̲̙̺̘͙̪ͥͭ̓̓̍̅̏̌ͤ̄̒̆̇̆͗̑́̕͘͞͝ͅͅͅI̴̷̼͎͚̠͙͚̼͚̻͐̎̈́̿̽͝͠L̓̇͑́ͩͯ̾̂́͟҉̼̮̟̮̯̪̙̟͈̳̝̞̯̙̥̟̯L͊̔ͨͤ̔͂̚͏̘̠̩̯̱̱̮͜ͅD̴̤̖̼̺ͫ̄̾̔̎̀͝I̿͌̈ͪ͌ͥͧ̓͑ͫͯͣ̚͘͟҉̲̪͕̤̰̘̹̘͙͇E̛̱̬̫̮͓̙̱͕ͩͬ̽̂͑ͩ̓͂ͥ̑̀̊ͨ̚͞͞
̸̈̌̐ͤ̊̆̿͏̷̡̦͍͉̩̭L̵ͪ͌̆́ͭ̃̔̄̑͋͌̌̒ͦ̿̒͛̔͘҉͚̠̜̰̫͕͚͔̮̹̜͙̣̯͕̬̀͜O̸̧̰̠͎̬͙̝͙̠̩̘̦͈̪͐̋̓̔͊̎͊ͣ͘͝͡ͅV̛̺̲͓̞̭̣̲͎̻̣̪̺̌̂̒̎̾̉̆͑͗ͯ͌ͪ̚͜E̴̜͕̰̰͔̟ͮ̔͗ͯ͆̂͐ͯͯ͞͡H̵̢̠͈̞͕͗͆̐̋̄̈̓̂͌ͪ͑̇ͩͦ̒͊̃̓̕͢͠E̷ͦ̉͗ͩ̋̓̆̓̆̓͏̣̥̮̝̖̬̤͖̲͖̰̟̤̥̮̫͖̱͘͠L̗͉̰͈̩̟̩͈͈͉͓̬̜̦ͭ͛̑ͦ̾ͪ͑͘Pͮ̎͛̅͑ͪ͒͂́ͫ͆̎̅͊̈ͣ̀͏̶͉͈̩̱͎̺̩͚͠Bͨ͑͌ͮ̊̽ͣͯ̽̇̇ͬ͑̏̔̍̚͏̯̰͚͕̝̪̜̜͖̰̩͉͖ͅE̴̢̧͈͍͈̦̫͔̪͕̍̏̓͒̀ͥͫͤ̂̂̑ͥ̂͊̇͝F̢̛̠̟̙̩̈ͮͭͧ̏ͦ̍̀ͮ̅ͣ̐̓̀͡R̅̈̔͐͗̓̉̒ͧ͋̒ͬ͑ͨͬͤ̎́҉̣̹͎̙̞̱̗̻̣̟̗̹̮̦̠̣͕̹͢ͅẸ̡̛͍̝̭͙̹̠̳̺͎̜͚͍͎͖̻͇̇͒͆͌̔̔́̃͌̔̎̃͊̅ͫ͒͒̀ͅI̛͙͖͎̗̹̠͚̪ͨͭͨ̇ͨ̓̎̒͐ͣ́͠͞N̨ͫ̎ͮ̇ͦ̀͆͋̾̄ͪ̚҉͢͜͏̰̙̩̠͈̺̞̰̬͇̲̪̞̱D͖̘̯̙̘̺̻̫̬͔̣̙̙̬̯̹͈̹ͯ͑̔̒̃̋ͪ̽ͭͪ͜͞H͐ͮͦ͊͂̓̋̿͒̓̐ͣ͢҉̘̫͇̳̮͡͞͡Ë̵̛͒̊̊̓̕҉̸̺̟̫̗̰̲̠̟A̖̦͚͍̺̘͊̈́̉̂̔ͣͦ͊̀͜͟L̏ͦ͊̂̓́̽ͯ̉̽̀͆͆̎̅̓̚̚͏̧̡̨̰̘̩̰̥͙͎̼̪͎̺̖̣̗̦̱͇͝
ͭ̊̑ͫ̑̓̄ͩͨ̀ͦ̂ͬ̊͢͠҉҉͚͔̝͇̮̺͙̻̙̥̣͇̝̥͚̥̟ͅJ̸̥̪̪͍͌ͪ̌̃ͭ͆̽̓ͨ̕Ư̛̥̲̜̬̗͔̠͙̫͍̯̮͉̖ͣ̍̊͂̑̎̆̅̿͜͝ͅṢ̡͖͓̿͂͋̈́̋̃̇͠T͋̂͗̑͊̀̐ͮ̏̾͒̔̍̅̃̒̒̚͟҉̨̡̗͕̥̹̜͟ͅB̧̛͔̟͎̳̻̹̥̝̹̟̏̑͐̊̋̉̽͗͋ͣ͊ͤ͂ͥͮͯ̌ͨ͘É̙̫̞̟̮̬͆ͪ̈̿ͪ͗͑̐̾̂̃́͘͟͜͜J̴̲̫̳͇̪̩̫̟̳ͤ͑̏̄̃̽̓ͬ̏ͬͥ̕Ư̥͖̗͔̹̙̩̖͈̑̇̃́̃ͣͯ̂ͪS̥̩̩͈̪͕͓͈̮̠̪̰͍̺͈͓̾̀̍͑͗̑̈́̾̀͡͝Tͭͩ͒͘͟͏̕͏̻͕͉̯̥̘̩͓͓̟̰̲̠̳͓͚̮͔̣.̴̧̞͈̩̹̻̜̹͆̍̈ͨͦ̀.̴̴̝̘̬̫͍̘ͥ̈ͫͥ̊̿̌ͭͮ̂ͬ̾͒͊ͧͦ.̷̸̽ͫ̒͂̇̎҉̗͙̪͍͖̗̺̫̬͈͇̦̻͓̗̮̫̟͔

... It's everywhere... C̶̦̣̦͓̝̦͇̐ͬ͑̄̎̀́͞h̵̶̩̙̦͈̻̭́̍ͦͥ̿́̿̈͛̄ͨͥ̂͐͐̋ͫ́ḁ̶̷̢̠̲̼̦̘̺̳̺̞͕̫͉̣͇̈́ͤ̾ͨ̿͑̉͛ȯ̴̶͕̬̞̻͛͐͛ͧ̌̍ͥͩ̃ͨͩͧ̎ͨͪ̂ͨͣ͞ś̸̸̟̟͕͖͍̬͈̣̄͑̑͋ͥ̋́ I can't understand it...

So r͝an̷do̷m̴ and strange.

Don't worry about it... It may seem like that but

I am a machine I need logic and order
I ͘am̵ ͢aliv̸e̵ I͜ n͡ȩe͢d҉ e̡mo̕ti̢o͢n̛ a̵nd ͜dr͝ive͏

Aren't we all? What is life but a machine of flesh?
W͡h͡a̶t͟ i҉s̵ ͏a͢ m͢a̢c̸h҉i͜n̵e͜ ̢bu͟t ̕or҉de̛red ̵chao̕s?̡

C̨h̶a͘os͟ can be ordered... mathematical
Order can b̕e d̀ìso͘r҉d́er̸ed͡,͝ ̶un͜p̨re̷d҉i̛cta͜bl̷e͝.̧

"Can you walk?"

"... Yes"

I get up. I walk slowly.

"Tell me, can you feel this?"

He rubs his hand across my body lightly touching my n̤i̶͖̺̹̥̭̦̬p̯̮͢p̷͇̭͈̰͈͑ͫ̇̽̇̽̚l͖̝ͧ͂ͮ̓̄̄e͇̺͓̭̤̹͗̿

O̡̻̫̖̮̥ͤ̋́̏ͯ̏ͪ̊ͨͣ͆̔̈́̎̒̀ḣ̢̢͈̜̮̜̞̤̹̤̯̰͓̜̅ͣͯ̂ͨͧ̈ͅ.͍̝̪̝̱̬̞͇̯̇ͥͪͧ͆̋̋͒ͥ͋̅̐̌ͧ̈́̅͠.̨̮͖̯͚͚͉̤̲̻̏̄͂͐̀̈́ͥ̾͗̓̓̂̀̿̽͂̓̐ͤ͘ ̤̣͓͔̣̮̮̜͚̗͉̳͙̺̝̍̇ͨ̈͜͞͡͝ͅT̴̶̛̻͍͈̖͈̭̝̪̻͆͐ͩ̂͑͒ͬ͊́̕h̸̐ͣ̅̓̀҉̢̰̬͖͇͘a̷̵̮̱͇̹̰̲̝̣̳̳̪̼͇̩͇͂ͮͨ̆͗ͤ̔̇̅͘͞ͅt̢͕̖̤̺̪̱̙̰̬͚̗̖ͩ̋̄̃ͦͧͮͤ̃̐͌̍͗̈͊̽̚͢ͅ.̵̰̬̰͙̬͔̻ͫ̈́ͭ͂ͤͪ̎̌̆͊̍̉͂̀͠.͊̑ͭ͐͑͛ͩ͟͡͏̡̰̖͚̮͎̻̜̜̬̻̦̬̳͖͖͘.̸̡̟̩͙͓̞̘̟̪͚̖̗̤̥͛̇̿̇ͪ̽͘͜!̷̨̢̗̯͈̦̋̅̎͛̎͊́ͮͧ̊ͥ̅͒ͬ̉̚͢

He stops.

"... Y-yes"

Wh͜a͏t ̛w̨a͠s t̶ha͝t̴?

"Good." It's okay, I just wanted to make sure. You can deal with this. I will help you.
I won't̕ den͠y͟ ͠a̛ ͜bit ̵of o͟th͢e͠r̵ in͡ter͏e̷s̷t̷ ͡thou̧g͘h̛.҉..͟But that's besides the point.

I-I am b͏l̛u̸sh̶i̴ng̨...

"Okay, the truth is like this... Chaos and Order are not actually opposites or even enemies, they are like two sides to the same coin" or maybe two ways of looking at the same thing "Look at fractals or chaos theory for example, ordered logical ways of looking at disordered things." A butterfly flaps his wings and all that rot. "So don't worry about it. Your no different form anyone else, born from Chaos, but seeking to order things in your mind" I say born from chaos but your body is ordered into a form and sparked with chaos. "Your still alive, or at least as alive as anything else can be here" It's complected but we..

C̨̧̄̆͑̍͌ͮ̇͂̚͜͏̤͎͖̗͖͖̹͖͉̲̤̘̻̹̜̲̫̮ͅh̶̛̘͎̝͓͉̪͎̲̱̪͇̻͎̱̟̏̃̑̾̿ͮ̐͂͜ä̴̛͚̝̗̞̞̠̘̺͎͌̆̇ͭ̃̊̔͛́̌ͭͫō̈ͬͥ̈̍̃ͧ̋̃̂ͣ̇̿͗҉̛̳̝̭̬̺̕͝s̶̛͓̻̬̲̞̳̹͎̠̝͒ͦͨ̃ͬ̽̓ͣ͂͂́ͮ͜͠ i̻̭̹͎̟͓͙͉͢ś̵̰͉̺͝ͅ pa̶ŗ̛҉t̨ ̨ơ̡f̡̢ th̡e͠ mac͘h́i̧ne, I see... I understand... I see the Loręn̸ź atţra͡c͜t̢o͘ŗ and I see the pattern. I see the f͠ra̶ct̷al and I see the over all shape. H̸̶͇̥̮̟̱̠̮͔̱͖̞͗̾ͪ̾̀͞e͂̓̏̑ͨ͆̈̐̽̇҉̢͚͍̪̺̲̭̤͚̩̪̞͡ comes when I call not when I don't. I am a machine. I am Chaos. I am alive.

...Initialization complete?