Another Kind of Pussy

I came across this article today, which is apparently a more serious version of an extremely silly thing in some movie.

Anyway it talks about Sheepdogs, Sheep, and Wolves.

See, I think I am something else. I am a cat.

I am lazy and self centered, but not aggressively predatory unless I need to be. I avoid wolves when I can, find sheepdogs annoying but leave them alone of they leave me alone, and mostly completely ignore sheep. I will flee most of the time when threatened but I think I am capable of violence if cornered. Mostly I try and find ways to entertain myself, but do very little work.

I try to figure out these silly little creatures who work so hard. I look at the sheep, which are apparently as far as I can see, only exist to be sheered, or worse, made into a meal. I look at the loyal sheep dog who barks orders and makes a fool of himself. But you know, they DO keep the wolves away. I guess I can thank them for that. No one likes wolves.

And I guess sheepdogs may find my attitude disgusting. Every once and a while a sheepdog will bark at us cats and we may get into a little fight. But you know what buster? I don't need you... or I tell myself that anyway. I could leave and become a stray... but it's nice living here ya know?

So what am I going to do? I won't become a sheep. I am not going to be shaved or devoured. And I won't become a sheepdog. I don't do tricks on command. And I won't become a wolf, which have to hunt and kill for food. And I don't really want to extend this metaphor into uncomfortable territory by bringing vermin into play.

You know what is the funny thing is? I am probably kept as a pet. Fed some food every once and a while, and kept for sympathy. I am too fat and lazy to do any real work, and even if I could I probably wouldn't. This whole "society" thing? Yeah it's nice and all, but what about the cats from long ago who lived as predators. Even dogs are relater to wolves that have been taken out of the wild.

You know, I am not even sure what point I was trying to make. Except maybe this: This whole Wolf/Sheepdog/Sheep thing? It's not that simple. Not everyone is a happy little sheep that obey everything and need defending, and not all "evils" are aggressive wolves. And not all sheepdogs know what they are talking about for that matter. Of them all, ironically, it might be the cat that is the most adaptable of them.

And maybe this metaphor was way too furry.

Div-ided Over Tables

A debate has been raging for years and years on the web, the great tables vs divs debate. The idea is tables are meant for "tabular data", you know like spread sheets, and shouldn't be used for layouts. That's all well and good, but what it's meant for and what it does are two different things. It makes grids. Grids can be helpful for layouts. Hence using tables for layouts seems fine to me. When they are used right. This layout on my blog here for example, really would probably work better and be less hacky with a table. Just one. But then again with a layout like this it doesn't make that much of a difference.

And I know some people might bring up how screen reader software treats tables and blah blah. Personally I don't see what the difference is. Without the visual layout information it's all just blocks of text anyway. I feel sorry for blind for all the stuff they miss out on, but I really cannot imagine the difference, as long as it's done in a reasonable way.

But I think this whole debate is just a symptom of a more pressing problem, that webpages have become to reliant on complicated markup and stupid hacks. Or maybe that was always the problem since someone decided that making HTML as vague as possible about everything. Honestly it took me ages to get used to using divs and CSS. Mostly because I am always intentionally like 5 years behind. I hardly ever use CSS3 because it's just not supported enough. JavaScript I got used to, but lately I have been browsing with it off because more and more security problems are reported with it, and god does it annoy me how over used it is. For lulz I put a message in this blog when it's turned off the other day.

Here is an experiment for you. Using firefox? Go to the "View" menu. Go to "Page Style". Select "No Style". Notice a problem?

Vector Art is Doomed

Every once and a while I mess around with Inkscape and other vector art programs, but I find them lacking in many ways. Much of the reason for this is the way paths work. I actually think they should take a hind from Doom level editors (which are probably in turn based on CAD programs). Looking into the .SVG format it seems that the biggest problem is a lack of point or line objects.

SVG files define all the path info in a big block like this:

d="m 28.575867,107.0797 c -0.123355,5.53028 0.684603,11.10722 2.649974,16.27795 1.96537,5.17074 5.109136,9.92603 9.292245,13.54553 4.514219,3.906 10.122472,6.40535 15.917209,7.83924 5.794738,1.43389 11.795405,1.84498 17.764278,1.932 6.417683,0.0936 12.890473,-0.18795 19.126585,-1.7066 6.236112,-1.51866 12.259952,-4.33887 16.868082,-8.8066 4.61045,-4.46998 7.63175,-10.45068 8.97929,-16.7293 1.34753,-6.27862 1.07261,-12.84368 -0.30719,-19.11529 -2.314,-10.517816 -7.8188,-20.382009 -15.87312,-27.530932 C 94.938912,65.636775 84.32799,61.311069 73.558802,61.250674 61.69759,61.184155 49.967322,66.350885 41.745372,74.900291 33.523423,83.449696 28.840374,95.221251 28.575867,107.0797"

I much prefer the Doom way with vertexes, lines, and sectors. You place points, join two points to make a line, then have each side of a line be tagged for closed areas. The only thing doom lacks is curves, and that's actually easy to do, just make lines connect have up to 4 vertexes, two for the end points and two for the curve control nodes.

It may be possible to do some of this in SVG now with some javascript scripting actually, which would be handy for maps and such where a lot of lines connect at the same place. But some of the neat stuff you could do with a SVG-like format that uses this is interpolate the line width and color for each vertex. Mostly I just wish I could make solid shapes with outlines only on some edges. Oh well. Maybe there is even inkscape plugins that do a lot of this crap already. I donno, I didn't find any.

Maybe I just should learn to draw without relying on such silly tricks. I mean inkscape has a snap to vertex feature anyway.

Zikiwalk

Books of the Wanderers

The Books of the Wanderers are a collection of works on philosophy, religion, and politics believed by a number of people of the Wasteland area to be written over the period of hundreds of years by a series of reincarnations of a figure known only as The Wanderer. The texts themselves usually do not specify if this is true, but several discuss the possibility, and more recant texts even go as far as to say that everyone could count as a reincarnation, and that anyone can write a Book of the Wanderers that could be accepted as genuine. A recurring theme is that truth is something everyone must find themselves.

The books are usually not bound together in a religious "canon", and are sometimes updated to include new relevant writings following the same theme. Most all of the books are written anonymously and most without any explicit way of telling that they are in the same series except for occasional mention of the others.

People often make comments and notes on the pages and when they die their copy is passed on to someone else. When this practice started is unknown but it must have been in the last hundred or so years following the idea that anyone has equal authority to write one of them, as well as edit them provided the original is available somewhere to edit. With the discovery and reverse engineering of computers found in Ark Vaults and the advent of The Network, some have turned to Ziki-like software to share ideas.

There are many books, but the "core" set include:
"Metagenesis" (mostly about the possible origins of the universe and what may be outside it, as well as possible reasons it may exist)
"Archetypes" (primarily about the soul, including ideas about reincarnation, and parallel incarnation, but also discusses consciousness, the subconscious and the self)
"Protoethics" (about breaking down ethical and moral systems to their root components and examining them and commenting on their necessity and effectiveness)
"Law and Chaos" (much like "Protoethics" but with governments and political systems, also introduces ideas of Chaos Theory, and natural law)
"Memetics" (most recent of the core books, about information and ideas, including then controversial views about the connection between ideas and souls, and The Wanderer and other souls communicate or are incarnated though ideas)

Excerpt from the Book of the Wanderers entitled "Metagenesis":

In the beginning, it is said, there was Void.

It was before all existence, and before all time. It did not desire. It did not change. It did not exist. And yet it was. Void looked upon it's self, and saw Void. And in doing, it changed.

It no longer could be Void, it no longer wanted to be Void. It wanted to exist apart from Void.

To exist apart from Void was to divide it's self. But there was nothing to divide it's self by, no way to form a barrier between something and nothing, something did not yet exist.

And so the only thing that it could do was divide nothing by nothing, and the result was unexpected.

Is this true? I do not know. But how else could something come from nothing?



Born from Void was Chaos, that which could be divided and could change, a thing which was uncountable.

Born from Void was Order, that which could observe and could structure, a thing that was one.

Born from Chaos and Order was Time, that which could allow change and structure to exist together and could allow things to evolve, a thing which is finite.

Born from Chaos and Order was Space, which could allow observation and devision to exist together, and could allow things to move, a thing which is infinite.

And remaining always was Void, which could do nothing, a thing which is nothing.
Is this true? I do not know. But how else could these things exist?



It seems that which did exist looked at the Void it came from and desired to fill it with all manner of things and make a place filled with existence. Not all existence is pleasant, not all of it is good, but it is. Existence to fill the void.

A voice in the mind fears the Void. A voice that does not want to end existence.

A voice in the mind rejects the Void. A voice that wants to create new things.

And yet, in the back of the mind, somehow a there is a voice that embraces the void. It whispers to destroy, to end everything. To make everything go away and return to nothing. But if it was done, Void would find it's self looking at it's self again. It would create everything anew.

If all things come from Void, should all things return to Void?



I think not. Void should be feared, Void should be rejected.

Those that wish for Void to swallow all are ones who are in pain. Existence may be full of pain, but pain is not all existence.

But Void should also be pitied. Because Void can never be anything but Void. The very act of creation makes it so.

Phantoms of Substance

The other they I picked up a copy of Phantom Brave for the PSP. I owned the original PS2 version (well not the original PS2 version, the English version, but you know what I mean) but I never quite got along to finishing it. Largely because actually focusing on playing though the story mode and not getting sidetracked on making uberweapons which completely break the story mode battles and make them no longer able to pose any kind of threat takes massive focus. But I beat it this time, though shear willpower to get though it, and then played the new alternate story mode, and am now working on the original story mode again, and will probably play the alternate one again too cause I missed some stuff. Why you can't just skip to the part of the story you care about after you beat the game, or have enemies match your level to make story mode not so frightfully dull, I don't know. Nippon Ichi has never been fans of convenience when it comes to replaying stuff. At least you can skip most of the cutscenes.

But I still find myself in the same old trap of doing the same thing over and over for some menial virtual reward I really shouldn't care about. Last time I ranted about a Nippon Ichi game, I touched on some of the problems with them. But really most of the problems are shared by RPGs in general, what with the blatant grinding that makes about 90% of the game filler. I really think that games should be set up so you can basically always find something new without spending time mucking about, but on the other hand I dislike linear games that hold your hand and don't let you loose to really get a feel for things, or have no progression at all. Or maybe that's not really it either.

I suppose what it comes down too is I think a lot of games don't feel like they have any really depth or substance to them. But lately I have been thinking more about what I think "depth" and "substance" really means. I have been watching a minecraft video series by two guys who play together. The series starts off with a simple demonstration of some of the basic minecraft mechanics and survival, but after a while other players start getting involved and end up building a world and a integrate backstory for the two guys to play around with. They also play a lot of "adventure maps" made by people who come up with challenges, rules, and backstorys in a map for players. Not to long ago I was chatting with someone about Tower Defense games and why I didn't like them, even if they had upgrades and stratagy and things. I realized what it basically comes down to, why I find those minecraft videos so fascinating and Tower Defense games so utterly boring, is basically the act of exploration.

Exploration is at the heart of almost every game I like. It's one reason I like roguelikes so much, one reason I think why people swear that Super Metroid is one of the best games ever made, and the reason why, quite frankly, beat-em-ups, shooting games, Tower Defense games, Nippon Ichi games, and other arcade and stratagy games tend to annoy me. And it isn't just about exploring a environment either, it's about exploring gameplay as well (in fact I dare say I enjoy roguelikes like Nethack, and too a lesser extent, RPGs like the SaGa series for more for this reason then exploring the environment).

It works for stories too. I think this is one reason I like things like Homestuck and certain fanfics (which reminds me I was reading a interesting one not to long ago) is the exploring they do of places and ideas. And one reason I hate soup opera-ish crap (which BTW I think Phantom Brave's plot is dangerously close to with the whole "POSSESSED" melodrama thing), because they just give a series of unresolved hooks to draw tension and never really try and deeply explore any sort of underlining meaning or the character's inner selves.

So I guess when I am saying "depth" and "substance" I really mean a sort of exploration of something. It doesn't necessarily have to be something new it just has to be something you can really dig deep into and uncover stuff. It seems a lot of RPGs and other games think of a game's goal as something you work to, spending time and effort to get to the end, or to get some rare thing. I think it should be more something you explore. Not necessarily in terms of a secret that needs to be discovered, but in terms of a thing that is out there and can be transversed. It can be a subtle difference between the two to be honest, but there is a difference. Grinding is not exploring.

A game should not require you, and maybe should not even let you run in place for hours to get ahead. What if enemies didn't respawn for example, or most of your experience was related to progress and conversation not repeatable tasks (Planescape: Torment comes to mind). Suddenly it's a whole new type of thing where you can't stay in one place forever to get ahead. Suddenly both the player and the developer has to think more about what they are doing. And this can be a bad thing too, where you no longer have the option to just grind to get by That One Boss. How about have random drops have a counter so after so many enemies if it doesn't randomly drop, it will raise the chance until eventually it is 100%. That way fighting the monsters won't be a waste and if they don't respawn, or do different places so you can't farm them, then you can keep moving and not have to worry about grinding for them. There are many ways to subtlety change it so grinding isn't a thing anymore, while still rewarding effort.

Building an Identity: Part 3

The girl looked around and blinked.

"Would you like something to put on?" said Killo thoughtfully.

She blushed and remembered she was still naked. Around her body a white nightgown formed. She looked up at Killo, who looked impressed.

"My my, you figured out how to do that very quickly eh?" he said and smiled. "I guess I did put a lot of magic and stuff into you. You seem to be surrounded by a chaotic magic field that you can use." He looked her over and said "You know you sort of look like that AI "Aura" with that outfit." Her hair suddenly became white and Killo laughed "I guess you think so too, maybe you should change your outfit then". The girl concentrated and turned her outfit green and her hair turned blond again. "wouldn't want to be caught for copyright infringement would we?" Killo said and winked.

"Umm... excuse me..." The girl said meekly.

"Hmm?" replied Killo looking at her intently.

"Whats my name?" She said.

Killo thought about this. He started trying to combine "robot" and "golem" to make some feminine name. Rogola? Gobota? But he didn't really like those. But a name was important. Things with a name were more... real so to speak then things without one. At last he said "I think you should choose one yourself. One will probably jump out at you, if not now later. Don't rush it though, it's your name, it should be something important."

The girl nodded, and thought for a while but couldn't think of anything. Killo was looking at her with a slightly odd look in his eyes and she knew that look. She knew all about Killo. She realized that they were connected, which is why she heard her voice in his head, though then they had been deeply connected and now he had went back a little. Without him there there was a change she would have gone crazy. Then again without him there she wouldn't exist in the first place. And she knew he sort of wanted her. But she also knew that there was more too it then that. Killo was a pervert, but he was not a forceful one. He wouldn't force her to love him, or even encourage it. But all that she was thinking might have been coming from him too. She snapped out of it.

"I would like to see how powerful you are if thats alright with you." Killo said.

She blinked. "You wish for me to test myself in combat?" she said. All that robot part of her seemed to come to the forefront in a moment. Combat. Not as a serious death duel but just as a game. That sounded... fun.

"If you are up for it." Killo said.

The girl's mind raced. She wasn't really made as a weapon, but much of her archetypes involved them. And she had data and essences that could be used for incredibly dangerous attacks. If she did this and this, and that too... She smiled with glee. "Yes please!".

Killo brought her to a open room padded with metal walls. This was the labs "boss room". Castlevania had them, places for big fights between Dracula's most powerful minions and his enemies that tried to storm the castle. Killo intended to keep up the tradition of sorts, only more as a game. He could assure no permanent harm came to anyone here, either heros or bosses. Normal monsters were not really alive anyway and would repopulate as soon as someone left the room.

But there was no boss in this room. This was of course because, the girl WAS the boss. Thats one of the reasons she was made, and this fact made her smile. This was HER room. She could of course choose not to work for Killo, and do anything she wanted. She know he would understand. But here and now, she wanted to see what she could do. She could feel power flowing though her. She knew like Magaman, she could turn her arm into a blaster. She could also turn it into a sword. Or anything she wanted. Her "Chaos Matter Field", the short range magical disturbance surrounding her could be manipulated to change her outer appearance or to summon some simple objects.

Killo left for a bit and in a while Jiggles came in. Killo didn't follow but both of them could tell he was watching them. The nameless girl looked at Jiggles and smiled. "Hello, Miss Jiggles. It is a pleasure to meet your acquittance. Are you here to fight me for today?"

Jiggles looked at her and smiled back. "Pleased to meet you too! I hope we can become friends... are you sure you want to fight? I know some people like it but..." Jiggles said trailing off neer the end.

"If you are worried about my safety, I assure you I am stronger then I appear. I also assure you this is just a fun contest, but I do request you take this seriously if that is all the same to you." Said the nameless girl. She knew Jiggles. She had been born with a good deal of Killo's knowledge. Jiggles was a good first sparing partner at least. Even if she hates violence, she appreciates sparring. To her, a battle isn't violence if both people enjoy it and agree not to hurt each other too much.

Jiggles smiled and said "Okay then... please be careful though... I like to fight as a contest but I don't like people getting hurt". She put up her arms and stood in a fighting stance.

'Okay', thought the nameless girl as she began to draw power and put her plan in motion, 'I need a good fast weapon'. She turned her hand into a buster cannon. 'Now,' she thought 'lets add some aspect she won't expect... The homing power of a witch essence... killo gave me some?... yes, okay.' She charged her weapon with the essence. 'Now maybe...'

SMACK

The nameless girl landed across the room.

"S-Sorry..." said Jiggles looking concerned "Um... I didn't go to far did I? I saw your arm change and felt some magic and I..." Let it be said about Jiggles, that as girlie as she looks and as sweet as she acts, she is fast as hell and hits hard when she needs to. She is also experienced and knowledgeable enough about martial arts to be a deadly force of nature. The reason for this is simple. She is a Catgirl. An anime character. And a bit of a magical girl as well. Any magical anime Catgirl that can't beat up a martial artist 5 times their size would be given funny looks.

"I'm fine." Replied the nameless girl. To herself she thought 'I was overconfident. I should have decided what weapons to use and prepare the magic needed before the battle. Jiggles is to fast for me to mix magics in the middle of a encounter. I have to be faster. Still I should be quicker next time I try if I have a plan.' She stood, and said "Continue" and began to rabid fire witch shots from her blaster.

Jiggles of course could avoid most of the shots easily but thanks to the witch essence they could trace her in that air somewhat. But Jiggles was still to quick for most of them. A few would graze her. Then Jiggles fired back. With a cry of "Nekodoken" she made a familiar hand motion and a red fiery cat-like ball of fire sped to the nameless girl and causing her to widen her eyes.

"What WHAT! How did you get THAT! And I hit you a few times! You shouldn't be able to throw that without full energy! Does... Not... Compute!" The nameless girl yelled in shock. Seeing Jiggles confused look she facepalmed and said "Sorry, incorrect analysis. I was thinking of Mega Man X not street fighter."

"Um..." Jiggles replied hesitantly "I am not sure I know what you are talking about but... anyway why do you talk like a robot? Aren't you more like a.. um... magical... thingy, sort of like me?"

The nameless girl paused thoughtfully and replied "I was constructed to be based on a robot girl archetype and so have acquired speech patterns matching the sort that would likely be used by an example of that archetype." she paused "In addition... I think it's kinda fun." She said with a big grin. Jiggles looked at the nameless girl a bit odd but said nothing.

"Also I should inform you this distraction has been utilized in order to subtlety change my weaponry to shoot what could be described as 'big frigging homing missiles of death'. Have a nice day." The nameless girl smiled.

"What?"

And suddenly they were everywhere. Jiggles rolled into a ball and rolled forward under the missiles. She zigged, she zagged, and explosions erupted all around her. The nameless girl kept firing, and Jiggles jumped into the air and fired her fireball down on her. She dodged. Jiggles dropped back into a roll and changed directions by springing off a wall and the many missiles that were trailing her impacted a wall, but the nameless girl was in front of her, firing more more. Jiggles used her blast to knock them away and jumped up the wall and the new missiles hit it again.

On and on the battle went and both started using more tricks. Jiggles wasn't at all armed to fight at a distance besides her one "Nekodoken" attack, but she was fast and hard to hit. Even so the nameless girl could use coving fire to keep away and was able to fire a lot faster. Jiggles could occasionally get in close and strike and even a few times guided the nameless girl's own missiles to explode nearby, and she got lucky shots in as well. It was a good match. In the end they both had some cuts and scrapes and were breathing hard when Killo appeared and clapped.

"I think thats enough for today. You both look like you enjoyed the work out eh?" Killo said smiling.

Jiggles huffed and puffed and said "I am getting kind of sleeeepy... this was a hard work out!" as she smiled.

"E-Energy reserves down to 20%" said the nameless girl as she panted.

"You made that up. Your just trying to sound robotic again." said killo mirthfuly

"P-perhaps" Said the nameless girl smiling sheepishly.

"Um... Do you want me to heal you up? You have a bad scrape there on your arm, sorry about that" Jiggles said concerned.

"Negative, I..." started the nameless girl and trailed off as she looked at the cut on her arm. She stopped and went white. "I... I am bleeding..." she stampeded.

Jiggles looked worried. "Oh no! Is it bad? I'll help you..." she said as she went over to use her healing kiss.

But the nameless girl stared transfixed "I-it's not that..." she said. "I-I Just realized... I am part machine, I am not really all alive... so what happens, if I die? Or get seriously hurt? You can't heal metal can you? Can machines actually heal? I have a brain and a computer chip. One is just bits of metal..."

"Don't worry about that. It doesn't matter. Your body is magical, besides... even if you were a robot it dosn't matter... because..." said Killo softly

The nameless girl remembered "Because I am imaginary after all... this this whole thing isn't real is it... it doesn't matter if I am metal or flesh... it's all a game..."

Jiggles frowned and said "That doesn't mean you don't exist! I am imaginary too. And even Killo in a way, but we think we feel... our feelings are real!"

Killo shrugged and added " who can say what is real? Words on a page are a kind of magic, existence in a story is still existence. Just remember to hang on to that one thing. That you are you. Your Identity. Thats all you need."

The nameless girl paused and stopped crying. "Identity..." She felt something. Killo could feel it too. "That's it. Thats what it will be." she said.

Jiggles however was not directly connected and didn't understand. "Huh?" She said confused.

"My name... I will name myself Identity."

Identity smiled.

Building an Identity: Part 2

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PPZZT!

Light. Darkness.

She opens her eyes.

A yell of triumph.

A voice asks "Can you hear me?"

...

"... Yes."

T̢o̸o͟ m͝uc͠h b͝ac̶k̶gr̀o҉u̶nd͡ ̶n̴ois͜e͡

Don't worry. don't worry, I'll help

"Can you sit up?"

"...Yes"

S̡h̴e͡ ... I sit up

Good focus on something solid in your mind. You are you.

T͟he ̵v̕o̴i͡c͡es̡ of chaơs̸ s̨ing͜..̴.̀

"How are you feeling?"

"... I don't know"

L̓̉̋͗̐̀ͦ̐̇̀̇̾͌̐ͤ̚̚̚͏̶̮͚̖͔̪̦̙̫̰͙͕̖̥͔̗ͅͅI̞̥̣͕͍ͯ̃̂̈́̓ͥͧ͊ͬ͢Ȩ̨̨͙͉͉̹͈̲̣̭̳̘̼̼̀̾ͧ̋̂ͦ̈͑̊͞C̡̰̜͕̹̦͇̺̞͓̜̟̥̃̓̒̿ͧ̃̐̀ͯ͒̾͜ͅH̶̔̿̿͛ͩͪ͗̐̐̾͊ͨ̄̃͏̖͚̠̳̞̟̺̝̲̤Ę̛̜̟̦͎̹̪́ͥͯͯ̽ͫ̄ͨ͆̍͛̿͐ͨ͒̑̚͘Ą̴̵̜̫͕̥̳̺͎̬̤͉͍̭͓̹̝̽͆̓̑̀͑̀͞T̨̩̼͍̜͙̥̲͉̪̮̼̭̝͎͌̓̏̈ͯͨ͜͞S̷͇͉͇̠̤̩̬̟̻̰̤̬̑ͬ͗̐̈̆͗͗̌͊ͨ͡T̶̛̮̱̝̥̦͚̞ͪ͗̂ͫͭͮ̏̍͌͜E͛̾̈͆͐͌̌̈́̓̽͠͏̛̦͚̠͍̯͜͝ͅA̵̼̟͙̳͇͓̯̫̫ͨͯ̉͊̎ͭ͑͊͘͘͠Ļ̘̙͚̭̼̩̻͕̞̩̦͚͕͐ͭ͐̂͝K̩̤͎̲̟͍͚̪̦̲̙̺̘͙̪ͥͭ̓̓̍̅̏̌ͤ̄̒̆̇̆͗̑́̕͘͞͝ͅͅͅI̴̷̼͎͚̠͙͚̼͚̻͐̎̈́̿̽͝͠L̓̇͑́ͩͯ̾̂́͟҉̼̮̟̮̯̪̙̟͈̳̝̞̯̙̥̟̯L͊̔ͨͤ̔͂̚͏̘̠̩̯̱̱̮͜ͅD̴̤̖̼̺ͫ̄̾̔̎̀͝I̿͌̈ͪ͌ͥͧ̓͑ͫͯͣ̚͘͟҉̲̪͕̤̰̘̹̘͙͇E̛̱̬̫̮͓̙̱͕ͩͬ̽̂͑ͩ̓͂ͥ̑̀̊ͨ̚͞͞
̸̈̌̐ͤ̊̆̿͏̷̡̦͍͉̩̭L̵ͪ͌̆́ͭ̃̔̄̑͋͌̌̒ͦ̿̒͛̔͘҉͚̠̜̰̫͕͚͔̮̹̜͙̣̯͕̬̀͜O̸̧̰̠͎̬͙̝͙̠̩̘̦͈̪͐̋̓̔͊̎͊ͣ͘͝͡ͅV̛̺̲͓̞̭̣̲͎̻̣̪̺̌̂̒̎̾̉̆͑͗ͯ͌ͪ̚͜E̴̜͕̰̰͔̟ͮ̔͗ͯ͆̂͐ͯͯ͞͡H̵̢̠͈̞͕͗͆̐̋̄̈̓̂͌ͪ͑̇ͩͦ̒͊̃̓̕͢͠E̷ͦ̉͗ͩ̋̓̆̓̆̓͏̣̥̮̝̖̬̤͖̲͖̰̟̤̥̮̫͖̱͘͠L̗͉̰͈̩̟̩͈͈͉͓̬̜̦ͭ͛̑ͦ̾ͪ͑͘Pͮ̎͛̅͑ͪ͒͂́ͫ͆̎̅͊̈ͣ̀͏̶͉͈̩̱͎̺̩͚͠Bͨ͑͌ͮ̊̽ͣͯ̽̇̇ͬ͑̏̔̍̚͏̯̰͚͕̝̪̜̜͖̰̩͉͖ͅE̴̢̧͈͍͈̦̫͔̪͕̍̏̓͒̀ͥͫͤ̂̂̑ͥ̂͊̇͝F̢̛̠̟̙̩̈ͮͭͧ̏ͦ̍̀ͮ̅ͣ̐̓̀͡R̅̈̔͐͗̓̉̒ͧ͋̒ͬ͑ͨͬͤ̎́҉̣̹͎̙̞̱̗̻̣̟̗̹̮̦̠̣͕̹͢ͅẸ̡̛͍̝̭͙̹̠̳̺͎̜͚͍͎͖̻͇̇͒͆͌̔̔́̃͌̔̎̃͊̅ͫ͒͒̀ͅI̛͙͖͎̗̹̠͚̪ͨͭͨ̇ͨ̓̎̒͐ͣ́͠͞N̨ͫ̎ͮ̇ͦ̀͆͋̾̄ͪ̚҉͢͜͏̰̙̩̠͈̺̞̰̬͇̲̪̞̱D͖̘̯̙̘̺̻̫̬͔̣̙̙̬̯̹͈̹ͯ͑̔̒̃̋ͪ̽ͭͪ͜͞H͐ͮͦ͊͂̓̋̿͒̓̐ͣ͢҉̘̫͇̳̮͡͞͡Ë̵̛͒̊̊̓̕҉̸̺̟̫̗̰̲̠̟A̖̦͚͍̺̘͊̈́̉̂̔ͣͦ͊̀͜͟L̏ͦ͊̂̓́̽ͯ̉̽̀͆͆̎̅̓̚̚͏̧̡̨̰̘̩̰̥͙͎̼̪͎̺̖̣̗̦̱͇͝
ͭ̊̑ͫ̑̓̄ͩͨ̀ͦ̂ͬ̊͢͠҉҉͚͔̝͇̮̺͙̻̙̥̣͇̝̥͚̥̟ͅJ̸̥̪̪͍͌ͪ̌̃ͭ͆̽̓ͨ̕Ư̛̥̲̜̬̗͔̠͙̫͍̯̮͉̖ͣ̍̊͂̑̎̆̅̿͜͝ͅṢ̡͖͓̿͂͋̈́̋̃̇͠T͋̂͗̑͊̀̐ͮ̏̾͒̔̍̅̃̒̒̚͟҉̨̡̗͕̥̹̜͟ͅB̧̛͔̟͎̳̻̹̥̝̹̟̏̑͐̊̋̉̽͗͋ͣ͊ͤ͂ͥͮͯ̌ͨ͘É̙̫̞̟̮̬͆ͪ̈̿ͪ͗͑̐̾̂̃́͘͟͜͜J̴̲̫̳͇̪̩̫̟̳ͤ͑̏̄̃̽̓ͬ̏ͬͥ̕Ư̥͖̗͔̹̙̩̖͈̑̇̃́̃ͣͯ̂ͪS̥̩̩͈̪͕͓͈̮̠̪̰͍̺͈͓̾̀̍͑͗̑̈́̾̀͡͝Tͭͩ͒͘͟͏̕͏̻͕͉̯̥̘̩͓͓̟̰̲̠̳͓͚̮͔̣.̴̧̞͈̩̹̻̜̹͆̍̈ͨͦ̀.̴̴̝̘̬̫͍̘ͥ̈ͫͥ̊̿̌ͭͮ̂ͬ̾͒͊ͧͦ.̷̸̽ͫ̒͂̇̎҉̗͙̪͍͖̗̺̫̬͈͇̦̻͓̗̮̫̟͔

... It's everywhere... C̶̦̣̦͓̝̦͇̐ͬ͑̄̎̀́͞h̵̶̩̙̦͈̻̭́̍ͦͥ̿́̿̈͛̄ͨͥ̂͐͐̋ͫ́ḁ̶̷̢̠̲̼̦̘̺̳̺̞͕̫͉̣͇̈́ͤ̾ͨ̿͑̉͛ȯ̴̶͕̬̞̻͛͐͛ͧ̌̍ͥͩ̃ͨͩͧ̎ͨͪ̂ͨͣ͞ś̸̸̟̟͕͖͍̬͈̣̄͑̑͋ͥ̋́ I can't understand it...

So r͝an̷do̷m̴ and strange.

Don't worry about it... It may seem like that but

I am a machine I need logic and order
I ͘am̵ ͢aliv̸e̵ I͜ n͡ȩe͢d҉ e̡mo̕ti̢o͢n̛ a̵nd ͜dr͝ive͏

Aren't we all? What is life but a machine of flesh?
W͡h͡a̶t͟ i҉s̵ ͏a͢ m͢a̢c̸h҉i͜n̵e͜ ̢bu͟t ̕or҉de̛red ̵chao̕s?̡

C̨h̶a͘os͟ can be ordered... mathematical
Order can b̕e d̀ìso͘r҉d́er̸ed͡,͝ ̶un͜p̨re̷d҉i̛cta͜bl̷e͝.̧

"Can you walk?"

"... Yes"

I get up. I walk slowly.

"Tell me, can you feel this?"

He rubs his hand across my body lightly touching my n̤i̶͖̺̹̥̭̦̬p̯̮͢p̷͇̭͈̰͈͑ͫ̇̽̇̽̚l͖̝ͧ͂ͮ̓̄̄e͇̺͓̭̤̹͗̿

O̡̻̫̖̮̥ͤ̋́̏ͯ̏ͪ̊ͨͣ͆̔̈́̎̒̀ḣ̢̢͈̜̮̜̞̤̹̤̯̰͓̜̅ͣͯ̂ͨͧ̈ͅ.͍̝̪̝̱̬̞͇̯̇ͥͪͧ͆̋̋͒ͥ͋̅̐̌ͧ̈́̅͠.̨̮͖̯͚͚͉̤̲̻̏̄͂͐̀̈́ͥ̾͗̓̓̂̀̿̽͂̓̐ͤ͘ ̤̣͓͔̣̮̮̜͚̗͉̳͙̺̝̍̇ͨ̈͜͞͡͝ͅT̴̶̛̻͍͈̖͈̭̝̪̻͆͐ͩ̂͑͒ͬ͊́̕h̸̐ͣ̅̓̀҉̢̰̬͖͇͘a̷̵̮̱͇̹̰̲̝̣̳̳̪̼͇̩͇͂ͮͨ̆͗ͤ̔̇̅͘͞ͅt̢͕̖̤̺̪̱̙̰̬͚̗̖ͩ̋̄̃ͦͧͮͤ̃̐͌̍͗̈͊̽̚͢ͅ.̵̰̬̰͙̬͔̻ͫ̈́ͭ͂ͤͪ̎̌̆͊̍̉͂̀͠.͊̑ͭ͐͑͛ͩ͟͡͏̡̰̖͚̮͎̻̜̜̬̻̦̬̳͖͖͘.̸̡̟̩͙͓̞̘̟̪͚̖̗̤̥͛̇̿̇ͪ̽͘͜!̷̨̢̗̯͈̦̋̅̎͛̎͊́ͮͧ̊ͥ̅͒ͬ̉̚͢

He stops.

"... Y-yes"

Wh͜a͏t ̛w̨a͠s t̶ha͝t̴?

"Good." It's okay, I just wanted to make sure. You can deal with this. I will help you.
I won't̕ den͠y͟ ͠a̛ ͜bit ̵of o͟th͢e͠r̵ in͡ter͏e̷s̷t̷ ͡thou̧g͘h̛.҉..͟But that's besides the point.

I-I am b͏l̛u̸sh̶i̴ng̨...

"Okay, the truth is like this... Chaos and Order are not actually opposites or even enemies, they are like two sides to the same coin" or maybe two ways of looking at the same thing "Look at fractals or chaos theory for example, ordered logical ways of looking at disordered things." A butterfly flaps his wings and all that rot. "So don't worry about it. Your no different form anyone else, born from Chaos, but seeking to order things in your mind" I say born from chaos but your body is ordered into a form and sparked with chaos. "Your still alive, or at least as alive as anything else can be here" It's complected but we..

C̨̧̄̆͑̍͌ͮ̇͂̚͜͏̤͎͖̗͖͖̹͖͉̲̤̘̻̹̜̲̫̮ͅh̶̛̘͎̝͓͉̪͎̲̱̪͇̻͎̱̟̏̃̑̾̿ͮ̐͂͜ä̴̛͚̝̗̞̞̠̘̺͎͌̆̇ͭ̃̊̔͛́̌ͭͫō̈ͬͥ̈̍̃ͧ̋̃̂ͣ̇̿͗҉̛̳̝̭̬̺̕͝s̶̛͓̻̬̲̞̳̹͎̠̝͒ͦͨ̃ͬ̽̓ͣ͂͂́ͮ͜͠ i̻̭̹͎̟͓͙͉͢ś̵̰͉̺͝ͅ pa̶ŗ̛҉t̨ ̨ơ̡f̡̢ th̡e͠ mac͘h́i̧ne, I see... I understand... I see the Loręn̸ź atţra͡c͜t̢o͘ŗ and I see the pattern. I see the f͠ra̶ct̷al and I see the over all shape. H̸̶͇̥̮̟̱̠̮͔̱͖̞͗̾ͪ̾̀͞e͂̓̏̑ͨ͆̈̐̽̇҉̢͚͍̪̺̲̭̤͚̩̪̞͡ comes when I call not when I don't. I am a machine. I am Chaos. I am alive.

...Initialization complete?